my coworker hates me for no reason

And as someone who would normally identify with Noras personality and having a similar skillset, I still empathize greatly with the OP it sucks to have to work closely with a coworker who freezes you out. The bad talking? Its used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. Or maybe your colleague simply feels threatened by you and . See, that wasnt clear from the letter. Ask them what you should do when Nora is gone for extended amounts of time and you need to step away. Right, but why is everyone jumping to OP being wrong when theres no indication that is the case? when you have NO interactions with anyone, they are pretty much going to struggle to find anything to say. Are you sureI dont know Im the boss now, you dont need to do these things in triplicateI can help you Her eyes went bright and she was much softer, still very reserved though [military background can do that to someone!]. But OP wants to be told every update about when shes away from her desk, wants to communicate more information than is necessary, AND wants to social chit-chat? Or maybe another facet is all of that, plus a rebellious streak that inclines her to dislike popular things (in this case, a new coworker people might be fawning over in her eyes)? This seems really harsh toward the OP, and Im super introverted. The funny thing is that when I started doing this, they confronted me, telling me that I was the one who was unprofessional. So I dont think it would make things worse (knock on wood) for OP to gently inquire (at a designated meeting time) if shes given Nora any reason to be offended. Id had similar arrangements with a fellow introvert and it was lovely. They're different. Doesn't matter. Did you get into an argument at a staff meeting? OP I cant really tell if Nora is being rude for the sake of it or shes just trying to get you to back off because this isnt how she works. Especially when they also note that the more reserved people note & remember what is important to specific individuals? He was conflict-avoidant and never reprimanded her. Thats why people are saying it isnt clear that Nora is being rude. Honestly, I think this thread is an example of some of the problems with the commenter community here. Thats not to say that I think the LW thinks that they are superior to Nora, but if theres any chance that its coming across (unintentionally, Im sure) that way to Nora, well it might not be helping the situation. People are projecting a lot onto this letter that Im not seeing (and I say that as an introvert who would absolutely hate being stuck at the same desk with someone else and in my younger days would probably have started being unprofessionally snappish with that person if they were more chatty than Id like). So, my advise to keep sanity and saying cruel things, just ignore him completely. it suggests that Nora knows that if she gives you more than a one-word answer, youre probably going to be chatting for awhile But somehow, after time, we just dont talk to each other at all. She corresponds with me on email only CCing our supervisors so I cant ignore her emails or should I use your tactics on email as well and ignore her back? In cases like that, you have different personalities is a conflict-avoidant cop-out. It is not my proudest moment I really kicked myself for a long time that I did not behave professionally. If its important put it in the client database or an email. It is still annoying and I am still afraid about her but I think I will success. Getting grumpy might be reasonable but not explaining the issue so that people can correct their behaviour isnt on. Unless youre a mind reader, dealing with the silent treatment can be confusing and frustrating. I was just so thrown off and I couldnt think of anything other than work in that moment. SHRM: When Does Disrespect Become Harassment? She left her desk and I didnt see her again until the end of the day. Based on things others have said, it also seems she is badmouthing me to coworkers. Become a Motley Fool member today to get instant access to our top analyst recommendations, in-depth research, investing resources, and more. Which is fine. Agreed, Librarian of SHIELD. The real issue is that were on the internet. Harvard Business Review: Why People Get Away With Being Rude at Work, Bully Free at Work: Being Ignored as a Bullying Tactic, How to Cope at Work When My Coworkers Treat Me With No Respect, How to Deal With Overly Controlling Coworkers, How to Get a Bully in the Workplace to Leave You Alone. Express your interest in having a better working relationship and ask for suggestions on how to make that happen. Even if someone is an introvert, in a workplace you have a responsibility to be pleasant to colleagues and to speak up if someones behavior is crossing a line for you and be specific about why that is. Does it suck to have my concentration and my work flow interrupted? People are being really, really judgmental of this OP in ways that dont usually happen outside of the particularly outlandish letters. My employer has purchased 40 hours of my time every week, and I am obligated to spend that time interacting professionally with my coworkers, even when Ive been working on this document for hours because I keep getting interrupted. However, I thought of my own situation, and another read could be that Nora only shares information that OP needs to act upon, she doesnt feel she needs to share information about quick breaks or even manager meetings, shes in the zone and startled when OP speaks to her, and she has said to coworkers its just so hard to focus when Im sitting next to her because of all the talking!well, that IS just a personality clash. OP says our job in multiple places, so it sounds like OP and Nora have the same title and at least some shared duties. If she brushes you off when you approach her, theres not much you can do about that. Didnt spend 15 minutes chatting it up? We had that conversation multiple times per year. Try suggesting other ways to keep her in the loop, such as weekly reports or weekly meetings, so that she doesnt feel she needs to check in as much. Were you replacing someone or did Nora previously run things on her own? But did you react like Nora? 0 - 1 years 1 - 5 years If so, she might be upset about bringing in the boss. Since these arent extreme adjustments, you might as well give them a try and see if doing that brings more peace to both of you. Introverts just recharge differently than extroverts and typically need less social stimulation and engagement than extroverts. Jane has positioned herself as Person Through Which ALL Things Are Communicated. People take the introvert/extrovert dichotomy waaaaaaaaaay too seriously and I think that might be whats happening here. understand ethical issues. Did OP replace Noras favourite colleague, maybe? Do you have a few minutes to talk this morning?. She does not see this as a teachable moment for herself, or view herself in a training position. If you are going to be gone longer than 10-15 (bathroom break, get coffee, etc. It also sounds like these two work interchangeably on the same clients (from OP talking about needing her help if things get busy), but then also that Nora doesnt want OPs help when Nora is busy. Take inventory of your habits that may be off-putting. Like all employees, you have the right to be treated respectfully and with dignity. Reasons we instinctively dislike someone. Say something like: Ive noticed it is difficult to coordinate coverage of the desk/phone, is there a shared calendar we can use? Ive tried to leave our conversation at a minimum, as that is what she seems to prefer. I would be pretty miffed with someone who studied my time at and away from the desk who then suggested I couldnt handle my work especially if that person was newer to the company and also older than me. The crackers would be a non-issue or at most mildly annoying, without the context of existing irritation. Or the email isnt time sensitive, or doesnt need to be acted on right away. It sounds like theyre at a desk together dealing with the same clients, either on the phone or in person. It sounds to me like Nora is being pretty rude, but its possible her nerves are frayed from being in such close proximity to a much more extroverted person, and shes not being her best self. Just do your job, which you do badly and make other co-workers look bad and dont seem to care. The main ignorer if she doesnt ignore me completely, will look at me while Im talking and then a sentence or two into what Im saying will start a whole other conversation with someone else!! B*tch Eating Crackers. Not true, she sat on the work the entire day and waited until I was leaving to ask for help. Recently a temp started ignoring me. 2000-2023, The James Gang, Iconoclasts Inc. All rights reserved. So that you can be on the same page. Stand up for yourself. Alison, is having fun today. Reading the letter, OP seems realistic and down-to-earth in how she views the situation and in fact, I feel like she is being almost overly accommodating towards Nora. Helping students succeed has been her passion while serving in many areas of student affairs and adjunct teaching. It is entirely possible I am over-communicating, so I am trying to temper my instinct to share. She started to be rude and when I started working in a project for a client that she was involved before, she started to correct me by written copying my managers and I politely ask her to stop. Theres a whole spectrum, and I suspect Nora is closer to my end of things. Invest better with The Motley Fool. Of course thats true, but its also true that we dont have a right to read NY Magazine for free. We perceive those who're different from us in any way as outgroups. You coast by, letting others take the reins. Well it sure does sound like Nora doesnt like you. Her failure to tell her partner about how long those absences will be is not. I in no way condone Nora withholding important info/leaving OP in the lurch/speaking behind his back. She acknowledges that they have different styles and that she can see the ways in which she might be causing difficulty; shes willing to try new approaches; shes reflective about what shes been trying; and in the end shes willing to be the one to make all the compromises. Otherwise I suggest the LW try to write out their SOPs during her downtime and review them with her manager (I know that I have occasionally made errors whilst learning how to perform in this role; can I please check that Ive correctly noted all of the steps I need to follow in order to succeed? It never occurred to me not to hide them. This is a good example of what Im getting at, actually. Oh man, that puts a whole different spin on it. I would ask if she needed help with a task or whether I could knock out a task from our manager (since Id need a question answered) but shed be dismissive, tell me it wasnt a big deal, then leave the task stagnant for days. Im assuming there has to be some sort of protocol for what to do if you are alone at the desk, and if there isnt there needs to be. Nora might not be, she might be, we should be taking an OP at their word or else theres little point in people writing in. Honestly, it sounds like these two people also sit too close together. 2. If the behavior seems isolated to her relationship with you, ask yourself whether youve done anything to warrant the lack of confidence. I might have to say, look, its nothing personal but we are very close together here and I need some quiet in order to have a shot at making this work but I would also be angling to move, if possible. I didnt see OP talking about needing her help, but rather OP wanting to help Nora when Nora was busy: I ask to help with anything that might need to be done, but she seems to resent that I am asking. Knowing what I know now, Id be documenting each and every incident in which she withholds information from you & bring it to your boss attention. I am from Spain and here it is almost imposible finding new jobs and I having gone from being energetic and happy at work to be depressive and shy. I agree that the coverage thing is a problem, but I do wonder how much of a problem it really is. As the Game Designer behind the Office-Politics Game, I am going to suggest something a little unconventional. Should Nora just use her words and tell OP, I need you to do X and Y and not do A and B and then we will work together better? Every time introversion comes up people jump up to complain about small talk, friendly coworkers, and a warm environment. As in, task A would take Nora half a day but youre expected to take a full day because you should be taking notes about the process / making sure you fully understand it. Try talking through exactly what a successful outcome would look like, and afterwards email her a summary of what you both agreed to with a note like, Just want to make sure we're on the same page. That type of upfront alignment can boost your chances of a project going smoothly. If you believe your supervisor is biased and will take your coworkers side, then you may wish to contact the human resources department instead. Introverted or not, leaving someone to cover the service desk alone without letting them know whats up is just unprofessional. Unless theres a work need for it (desk must be covered at all times, two people must be at the desk when it is especially busy and anyone who is away must be reachable to be called back).
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