narcissist absent father

I havent seen him in 9 years. It appears I am the scapegoat and my brother the golden child. His family was dysfunctionalmother was abusive, the dad was never around. Not that they are innocents, but revenge would sound to them just like unfair you know? Its strange having to re learn what should have always been given to you and being so far behind your friends. He is seen as the goodwill ambassador in our community because he donates a lot and helps other people with their problems, but is never concerned about us. I always knew something was wrong with my Dad but after reading this article, its confirmed that he always had NPD. I thought love was something you could win. His mother however did have a select favorite child who was given special treatment and was treated like a queen amongst the family. The more you respectfully rebel against your dad, the more hell have no other choice but to let go. My father doesnt consider us (wife and children) his family, and rather wants to help his original family (parents, siblings, cousins), even when they estrange themselves from us. Fight back. Most of the attention goes to narc mothers abusing daughters, and scapegoating an absent father or exploiting a passive one. My parents always instilled this idea in me that I should never CONFIDE IN INTERLOPERS outside of the family, because they would manipulate me- and bad bad things would happen. I had blamed myself for being weak for so long, Im going to get therapy. Since he came from a well-to-do family & I came from a poor & broken home, that my idea of partnership is flawed (according to him). One of the most common signs of being raised by narcissists is feeling unloved and that it was your fault because you did or did not do something the right way. Unless of course, he/she understands that he/she have a psichological condition (narcisism) and that it is causeing and have cause so much trouble in your familys life that he/she would accept help in order to change for the good. I choose to be happy and if that means removing my father from my life then so be it. Emotional abuse, physical abuse are normal for us, but we know now it is abnormal. He was weak, he was too sensitive. I ran myself in circles second-guessing my beliefs, my interests, and everything that made me (me). They wont be able to help themselves. However, she says that the information is just to be educational and supportive which is healing in itself. Treats strangers like family and family like strangers, at best. Why? My parents went through a horrendous divorce which began when I was 8 and ended when I was about 13. Mine too, Joanna. Use this situation so that you can transform peoples life . THEREs NO cure for it. Especially neglecting his own family and focusing on impressing others. How infantile. Ive taken legal action to get her away. 1. But whats even more amazing is that we both had a narcissistic father. Wish luck and hapiness to you all! explanation about this was that he needed to prove my mum was living with someone. I want to protect my son but I dont know if the court will see through all the father of the universe fluff. Raise from the ashes of the fire your father stuck you in, for his own selfish gains and entertainment. Somehow, through Im sure an act of God, my mother, who worked three jobs with three children under the age of 11 (one who was just 2 years old) managed to convince someone she knew at the building society to help her re-mortgage. Sounds like breakthrough, a great feeling of truth without gas-lighting. I refused to hold the family secrets, refused to follow the very hierarchical structure, in the family, which thankfully allowed my mom to live a year longer than she would have, had I not gone against my older sister, and gotten medical intervention, for my mom, at a critical moment. right now im being financially dependent on him and he took every chance to highlight the point that im still dependent on him. Not that Im suicidal or ever end my own life I just think why? The people on the page have had similar experiences with narcissists and sociopaths, and will understand your feelings and difficulties in this situation. When a Narcissist Knows You Love Him/Her, How Do They Respond? 10 Tactics Used By The Female Narcissist, https://www.facebook.com/groups/473474122720974/, Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you, Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you, Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior, Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs, Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous, Is closed minded about own mistakes. But from this day forward know that I love you, appreciate all you have done for me, and I will not go to my grave mad at you, and hope you can see it the same way. Recognise it and you can distance itself from your life. they need to fix themselves. In case of divorce, the father's involvement with his children may vary. It is always about the narcissist manipulating and controlling the situation in a way that places him above you, or above someone else. You do not owe your parents your life just because they birthed you, they did not nurture you, they did not give you what you needed to become the best version of yourself, and you do NOT owe them care no loving parent would want to hold their child back by turning them into a carer. To his friends, in front of me he always said all i did in my life and all I care is my son and i do everything for him can you believe this? Not sure if that was because he wasnt around as much. I took him in, counselled him, loved him, cooked for him, told him I loved him and would be there for him. They have been chosen for their looks, intellect, special talents, or some other characteristic that the narcissistic father regards as valuable to him. I couldnt believe it. She read my diary without my permission, and something about my writing really ticked her off, even though I never wrote anything bad. and believe me, it ruins your life. I find that the ones around our age group who were conditioned from their parent(s) to be narcs, these ones are far more dangerous then their predecessors. Nothing I did would ever be good enough for this woman. I totally cut them off for years. I dont care if God exists or not, I hope he doesent because the god of my father is horrible and the God my mum believes in is not strong enough to do anything about this situation she submits to all this because she believes she has too!!! The flood gates have burst open and I now find myself sorting through the information, trying to make sense of everything. There are several traits a father with narcissistic personality disorder might exhibit, including: A pervasive pattern of grandiose behavior or fantasies. Shes but on some weight from her new diet and medication but Im like who cares shes happy. She actively tried to undo the damage he was trying to cause to my psyche. He sees the dysfunction in my family, and understands why I finally said enough! My therapist says we were two sparrows in a hurricane. Dont go pass your own limits. He abandoned me for three times without talking over 1-3 years. Maybe this resonates with some of you, but I think I am seeing this clearly and am on the right path on the high road. I have a lot of guilt, anxiety, and lack assertiveness because I had to deal with a tyrant fathers antics. I knew hed also suffered a difficult childhood and was abandoned by his mother and accused of raping his sister, though this was never ever proven and I never believed it. He made me doubt my own sanity, while he came out looking like a hero. Today I am a guy empty on the inside, my soul amd health are completely ruined and scrambled. How did you handle it? Take time to heal your heart, your mind, your soul. Am I better getting rid of my dad or should I salvage what I barely can hold onto? Key points. My mom helped me, financially, but she helped all of my siblings, especially the oldest sister. Narcissists 'horrible people but happy' - BBC News We became extremely poor and lived on benefits. I was also a great student but after my breakdown my brain and memory does not function the same. A small thing, but since everyone else called her Mom, I think it was a little special, to her. And there are so many other people here with similar experiences, all very disturbing. Now, I have a very close and loving relationship with him and rarely miss a day without speaking on the phone. I cannot tell you all of my story but need someone to know I am a 42 year old divorced mom of a 19 old daughter whom I brought up all by myself because her father woud not help me to raise our child either financially or emotionally support. May God bless you and heal you. My mother and sister were appalled, though sadly, not surprised by his behaviour towards me. It doesn't. When you have a great. I bookmarked a bunch of articles that I wanted to show him but I dont want to come across pushy or like I have it in for his dad or make him feel overwhelmed! They told me at 14/15 how they couldnt visit at home anymore because Dad was too much for them. He was never at fault. Does he speak and then not act? And you get healthier and you can break the NPD generational abuse because that is what it isgenerationally passed from his parents to him and from him to his (unknowing and innocent) children And you can stop it. The abuse stops when I say so. (I am female). Growing up with a narc parent, of course they will have great influence on you. I was/am a cause for jealousy, among the siblings, for a few reasons. 5 years after that, my brother was born. Thanks a lot Vladimir. She had a heart condition. That I was anorexic and mentally unstable. Mine is not a comment; its a question. Eventually my mother met someone else. Pls what do I do? How Long Does It Take to Recover From Narcissistic Abuse? People are easily angered when they are not respected. She let him behave the way he did, mostly. My girlfriends were nothing but playtoys for him. My Dad was here in my life for the first 11 years, but now he is in jail. No matter how pathetic your father has been to you, the war is with yourself now Andrew. CIRCUMSTANCES IN LIFE DO NOT MATTER! He no longer criticises and bullies but asks nicely! A player who played you because he could. It sounds like you need to start working up to going no contact with your parents. A month before he died my father somehow acquired power of attorney and the will was subsequently changed for him to be the sole benefactor. I spoke to my ex, who had always remained a very special friend and one of the most cherished people in my life, a couple of months before he died. He likes very much to lecture me about how it isnt my PhD but his, and how my life is not my own but his so I have to do what he wants. Heal together as much as possible. He was emotionally abusive to my mother too, and used manipulation to upset her. My older sister and I resumed our close relationship, though this displeased him I think. I think she felt guilty. When My dad died, when I was 11, it probably helped protect my psyche, from the abuse some of the oldest siblings suffered. Im having a hard time in this recovery process as it feels there is no reason, with NO family of my own, to enjoy life, and little hope of ever finding a loving relationship with a man. by Lisa Thomson Your child will be of value to the narcissistic father after divorce until they begin to age and start pulling away. I thought they were talking about me. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends, many whom I have grown up with, and who know my family and my history. I am the oldest of two children. The sons often simply accept defeat how can they possibly win against a grown man? It put me outside the ring of deceit, and gave me the ability to go no contact with my family. These are the confident ones. I knew it was time to spread my wings and fly for myself, and told him I am leaving. There is definitely a sense of emptiness and void that can never be filled out because of lack of empathy and love from such parents. Healing is an ongoing process, but at least I am free of them all, now, and can build my life anew. Now I know what type of things he has done to me, i am looking for revenge. And then there is the film, Dancer in the Dark, which I believe deals with a codependent young woman with low self esteem, who is exploited by others who seek to pursue their own agenda, while throwing her mercilessly under the bus. Mock the narcissist. My mum is the one who deserves all the credit for how well my brother and I did turn out, dispite our childhood experience with our father. Its the damn truth and even family court judges, law guardians etc believe them and change custody to them! Its hardly human how cruel NPD can turn out in family life. Currently, I am financially dependent on my parents, they have evangelical upbringing (I dont mind any religion) but some basic life principles they got pretty wrong. Talked poorly of my grades and performances. 1: A narcissistic father is the demi-god of the household. Dont take it personal. Till this day he still tells people he put me through college when in fact he never spent a single dime for me to attend. Does anyone know of a good book to help adult siblings heal their relationship after growing up with a narcisstic father? .and voila a difficult persona, As my mum would say. He doesnt even remember it. The integrity of a populist politician. They are still together which creates the illusion of a functional family. He was so cruel, and I spent decades doing everything I could think of to make him love me. Im almost 20 now and he would never want me to decide for myself. None of us cared about the money; I have my own, but to do this to your own dying father and your childrenit almost gave my mother a breakdown. Everything ended in punishment if he didnt like something or if it wasnt his way. My sister and I both left home as quickly as we could. Screw your father. Revenge wont make you feel better, on the contrary, it will turn things worst. I have been trying to show her what is really happening but she adopted the religious mommy way of life, entered in the zombie mode as someone from here stated. The chosen child is groomed to become his little clone. it took me 40 years to realize what a narcissist my father isstay strong, you seem like a good young man. Im never pleased with myself. they sabotage and hijack others peoples enjoyment and pleasure out of life and attack them out of envy. I have been finnalcially dependant of my father , partially now because i had a good job as an engineer but just as all of my friends, jobs or any other relationships, it was all crushed because of his behaviors. He was the golden child but then his step-mother ran away in the middle of the night with her children and never came back. Please get to this FB page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/473474122720974/. Would you like Today I still struggle with relationships and attract abusive men. I couldnt bring myself to tell her. A narc mother and narc father combo is easily camouflaged. Over the years, I have begged, cried and tried to suppress my own thoughts, feelings and emotions to save Dads but not anymore. Narcs destroy. .he has some issues stemming from childhood . I was there. Usually Id wait until he left the house first, then I would go on about my plans. Just obsorb articles like the one we read and use it to identify narcs and let it shield you from allowing another one to get close to you. Narcissistic mothers and fathers suffer an unbearable sense of low and fragile self-esteem. I love you all, I wish the best to each and every one of you reading this. Constantly making sure that he is happy and cared for. To anyone here who has a narcissistic parent I give you my love and best wishes for a happy, healthy narc-free life. He encouraged my husband to try to get me to of the house we owned and when my husband attacked me and was arrested for it, he sided with him and claimed it was self defence. So now it all comes out again, and he resumes his abusive ways. I told him that I had friends and since Im over 18, I decide if I want to spend time with them. I just want to be free. Sometimes we would be on a fun family outing and my dad would fly-off-the-handle and ruin the day for both me and my mother- just because he wanted to hurt us- just because it made him feel powerful. THink of winning without a fight at all, just like the Art of War kind of philosofy, if you ever read that book, its a really good one. I have my daughter in therapy, it helps. He has never been able to stand up to his father despite his father ruining his marriage with a very wonderful and loving wife. The molestation went on for years, for both of us. We do get calls from time to time. It was a terrible, hard, struggle of a time but we pulled together. they wouldnt understand why so much hate you would give to him. I am trying to heal and grief is bittersweet. Today, my brother and my mom, who my father mentally tortures, are both too dependent on him to get out. What could have been. I wanted to save him. he/she wont change. I feel sorry for my family, even my father. Its so toxic whenever hes around the house. My dad should read Numbers 23:19 , God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. The police were involved and we gave evidence as we had heard my mums screams and his voice. My son is my life and is the most amazing gift I have ever received. My mother passed away regretting she never left him.. It will never go away, Maybe I should join some forums or support groups. The narc father and narc mother combo doesn't get much attention. !all children are worth everything!! I can heal better knowing that it was not me who is wrong but the root problem is my dad. God bless xx, My dad launched a hate campaign against me when I made the choice to leave home for my corporate job. I know its not true, but when I was younger I would always believe it. With his capability to twist and abuse language, however, he took himself out of the sentence and made it sound objective advice. I have decided that my father will no longer be in my life. I hoovered thinking that he had changed, and I walked into an even worse situation than my younger years had been. And it was on no plans so it was really just a I hope you get there soon enough to play with us type of thing. Let me start by saying my father is NOT a narcissist. Then she was dead. After this I felt forced to come back, seeing now that its only my little sister left. My father has made his last fatal error in thinking I will tolerate his abuse toward my son. Well, everything in the life of a narcisist is good when they are talking to people outside the fog like his friends or other people who he/she abuses with subtle ways. Society is quicker to believe in a narcissistic, tyrannical father than mother. They may be very fun to play with as children. He makes me feel like I am going crazy and that everything thats been said and done is all my fault and that I dont understand.
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