he never apologized for hurting me

You are absolutely correct, my heart doesnt always remember this, but its fabulous to have other people remind me. But the most important thing is you, and your progress, and it sounds like this encounter merely served to emphasize how removed and unplugged youve become from this guys bs. fedup dont envy us. I recognized him immediately and obviously he had had no clue I ever existed. He knew it was work, and with so many other women with self esteem issues why should he stick around with me when he can go find someone else to stroke his ego in a blink of an eye? ? Pretty much yup. Even as material gifts can also be a genuine way to say sorry, they can also work against you. When someone has truly hurt you and is sorry for it, they will make a genuine apology. I was with an EUM for the last two years and he would put his head down like a puppy and say Sorry in the saddest way. The word sorry is defined in the dictionary as feeling of regret. Be wary if hes invalidating your feelings through an apology. I dont understand being told on one hand that I am stifling someones freedom when I felt stifled when continually asked to describe previous boyfriends, and then being told that I dont have the right to know anything about him and what hes doing. I, too, was disappointed he wasnt there although the other folks were and couldnt figure out why I was disappointed because he wasnt there. Wanting her back, but pretending not to be interested at all. Im never going near one of them again! His intentions are sincere and he wont prove that by gaslighting you, playing the victim, or denying his fault in the matter. You dont have to sympathise with these people, you dont have to be endlessly understanding and you certainly dont have to keep them in your life. ?..its only thanks to BR I dont doubt myself anymoreI am the same ..Im ok.. Hes simply not capable. All the crap he did when I was a child and the bullcrap he does today, he has said Im sorry a 100 times and says I need to forgive him then goes right back out and does it again. Boy did he crash and burn off the pedestal yesterday. Thank you ! It's important to note that remorse and regret are not the same as guilt, which can be self-centered and focused on the consequences for the person who caused the harm. (but werent). They will take the time to understand why what they did was wrong and will be willing to listen and learn from you. He'll apologize for specific actions that were wrong, but not for feelings. So in short it meant so very little to me. When I say I forgive them, do I really just mean I wont talk about this any more? I see the word sorry from the other side. They get married, then want to introduce outside parties. Since I have been involved with him, he has always been going through a rough patch, or at a low point,or in a funk. (though I must be selfish cos I dont feel any need to apologise to him for anything just to punch him, in the passing, before I lay into myself with a thorough thrashing! I am done getting swallowed up by denial and not seeing the reality. Begged for forgiveness for his disappearing act. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. And even if he tried coming back nothing would change. Unbelievably, he kept trying (not very hard, mind you). Now I have several follow-up sorry texts when I didnt respond and an I LOVE YOU text. When you are finished, rip the letter up into tiny pieces and throw it away. Its exactly what I needed! to be faced with this fact in the bad old days. I also got the Why are you over-reacting? when he had done the most outrageous things, verbally abused me, told me I was mental, then said that he was hurt and I should apologise, and yes I frequently did because I did not want to rock the boat. You gave up your power and gave him the power by agreeing to meet with him. And now that I have gone way off topic I will, if permitted, (seamlessly!) Sent him packingFLUSH. Ive already told you this and should have told you that she keeps calling me. Have I forgiven him, or do I just not want to be seen to be difficult? The only other time he told me he was sorry was when I busted him with a girl, that it turns out he never stopped seeing after a year and a half. In that moment, you really begin to realize that everything you thought was a lie. When you know the line, they know the line, so you wont allow someone to not only press the Reset Button but to have free reign to pull the same thing all over again. It is so wonderful to have a line now. Be sure to list the special occasions a couple of weeks ahead of time as well as on the specific days so that you'll have time to buy a present or make dinner reservations. Every so often I remind him that I have good reasons not to, and he curtly says that he doesnt want to revisit issues from our marriage. I didn't know it was going to be such a big deal.". Be sure that you don't hold hands, hug, and kiss only when you have expectations of sex, or your partner eventually may start trying to avoid physical contact with you. This is so absurd & asinine & egotistical that its hysterical. I sat up in bed last night: Did this count as an emotional affair, then? Now I no longer think that way. 7 Tips to Forgive Someone Who Has Never Apologized For more information, please see our Cut him off. He is open and transparent with you about his feelings and actions, 15. He wouldnt go through all this effort if he wasnt honest in his apologies. I saw the reality which sounded more like, I cant be bothered worrying about how you feel Theres your sorry, now lets move along. Why should I say sorry? Otherwise, it takes more than the few seconds it takes to utter an apology to overcome these situations. To learn how to save your marriage even if alone at first, then check out this plan of actions that is 100% guaranteed. Good for you! He didnt want me as his girlfriend, but did regret losing me as a friend. So telling you how you should feel isnt something he should do if his intentions are genuine. Im sorry, its complicated, Im complicated.yes it sure is when you are a two faced liar with your bullshit out in the open. Unloved as a child, he was later like: How do you expect me to be generous/kind/loving when I never got/get any of that?. Thats going on my bathroom mirror. He doesnt honestly know why he is saying sorry, 5. And yes Natasha if I went ape-shit with mine he would often say things like well, if thats what you think of me why are you still talking to me? Fair question! And you may even feel the urge to have one last word (weve all been there). Bewildered, I suppose you need to ask yourself if this is what you can settle for from your relationship for the rest of your life: Thats the thingI wont ever trust him fully again.. But I am always still afraid he will do something again now that I have ended things with him. He needs to have empathy when his intentions are pure, and the fact that his narcissistic and self-absorbed ways are showing reflects the sincerity behind his apology. You think too much. I would always end up being the one saying Im sorry for being angry at him or upset over his broken promises. Now, I don't do the whole sit around, pout, and/or give him the silent treatment when he has upset me. Be careful. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process. The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. But the difference is, they have to live with themselves. omg I said the same thing to my ex AC! When someone is actually sorry, they will be open, honest, and vulnerable to try and fix the relationship. The next AC made me feel like it was my fault. But for HIM..it meant sorry to say : ok i apologized can i go on now using you as my doormat? I think not being involved with him has given me time to focus on me instead of him like Natalie says. He hasnt changed but my perception of him has. That took some doing, mind you. I felt like our relationship had turned, that hed finally realized his mistakes and was with the help of the counsellor his own executive team hired (to tell him he really was overworked and stressed) owning his behaviour. All of these are amazing and true. Damn, Im an idiot for taking his call! They say it about (any) other woman, and they WILL say it to you, or about you at some stage. : ). He had a slew of female friends that would always call him for advice and who he was always helping out. Cos you cant keep your friendship with them a secret. You are correct those will be ways he will try to get me to see him again or just to talk. The word sorry is as over-used as the words love & friend. I have so experienced a relationship with a boundary-smashing tosspot, for who Sorry was so easy to say, but impossible to feel. I was just really surprised at how I felt when I discovered he wasnt there. Is it some secret rule that men have, which they must follow in order to be a man? He will take responsibility for what he did wrong and express genuine remorse over his actions. i always thought that an apology from my ex-AC of 4/5 years would make me feel better. Now Im convinced.. Recently, my ex really upped his game. Another part of me doesnt want to be seen as over dramatic. I had one date with this guy who seemed nice but I didnt know him well. In fact this is probably THE exception on BR so dont go looking for your situation to be the exception as well. WTF???!?!? I could never accept it because deep in his soul, the essence of his being wasnt the capacity to see how much damage he had caused by twisting and manipulating situations to his advantage. even if magically morphed into a different person, everytime you looked at him youd feel the urge to punch him for what hes (chosen to) put you through. So do they also know that all the wee sorrys are meaningless really and for the very reasons I have described, and is it that they dont want you or him to make an issue out of his wee sorry otherwise the wee issue will inevitably lead to the big issue about his failure to come up with the big goods and he dont want to talk about that! Suppressing and repressing my needs, desires, expectations, feelings, and opinions to try to influence and control other peoples feelings and behaviour was asnatural to me as breathing. This is the opening of my new book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, & Say Yes to the Life You Want.As I also explain in the book, a recovering people pleaser is someone who recognises theyve had the habit but is committed to getting to know it and themselves so that they can break the pattern. And thats what Ive been doing for over seventeen years, and I share everything Ive learned in my book, which comes out in January Im wearing a sweatshirt which I designed and got made by my bro @richardllue Pre-order and listen to the first chapter at the links in my bio.#healthyboundaries #peoplepleaser #codependentnomore #thejoyofsayingno One day you realise that youve got to stop emotionally blackmailing yourself into pleasing others.My book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out in January and is available for pre-order.
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