not attracted to wife because of weight

You all are my building blocks of confidence and motivation. ALSO IT WAS PUTTING MY SODIUM & POTASSIUM AT DANGEROUSLY LOW LEVELS! But I am working hard on conditioning myself to avoid them and only enjoy them passively. Absolutely! I would really like to rent that old lady to rub my wifes belly. I do not consider myself a hot guy but everyone needs to feel wanted. There is some truth to what youre saying. I still think it sucks how shallow men can be. His constant criticism makes it impossible to feel motivated. During that time, she has steadily gained weight She is now over 450 lbs, 3x the size she was on our wedding day! Ive known plenty of women who have more than 4 or 5 children that did not gain extra weight from their pregnancies. Im sorry to be a b**** but I am soooo about to be one. I see a woman letting her self go as cheating. I have been married to two kinds of men, one with a hard dead heart who was a fleshly man, and my current husband who is a spiritual alive man. But giving ultimatums: You need to lose 30, 50 100 pounds or Im leaving you. That just doesnt sound like love to me, and it sounds so selfish. Clarification: I've used the term "All Wives" here. Try compassion. To truly be happy, you have to lead with your heart. Like you guys, I really am not into having sex with a 250 pound woman. We live in a superficial society and appearance is everything when its actually not. I hate that I have hurt him. To this day 30 years later he does not stop snacking ex chips, ice cream, chocolates, cakes and drinks 5 beers a night- this being hard for me to watch because i do like ice cream and chocolate however was eating only nuts (but too many) to satisfy the cravings thus me gaining weight . Try & love your spouse as much as you can, knowing no ones perfect but realize its a two way street. Anyway, with respect to the intimacy and her weight, etc I am sort of over the barrel. Hmm. You can always find reasons to justify leaving. A female client told me. If husband tells wife to dress well, husband is an asshole. If a woman cannot stop eating and refuses to exercise FOR YOU, then its obvious she does not care enough about staying with you. I agree! The man or woman in question is off living their life stuffing their face and not exercising even in the face of their partner backing off sex or complaining about the weight gain. There has to be equity in a relationship or it simply doesnt work. I feel so cruel to say it to him, as I know love should be blind, but I am not. Men live your life for you and do not let your wives make you feel bad for wanting a healthy, in shape, clean, wife. She spent 5 years in an ED clinic and so missed out on acquiring her education and so she works as a flight attendant making a mere $30k a year. I love my wife but I am no longer attracted to her physically Every bone in his body shows and I cant even look at him without cringing. I need some more advice! The truth may stress her out intially but leaving your wife isnt part of until death does us part / That is crucial. But this also affects her because I have no desire to be physical with her she feels neglected which she and its a vicious circle. May you all drown in the shallows together. BTW: I do laundry, vacuum, dishes, fold and hang, plumbing, electrical, date nightand nothing. If you do decide to enter therapy and you share the benefits of your therapeutic experience with her, she might feel the inspiration and motivation to get started herself. She doesn't work. I CANT TRUST HIM! There are enough sports, groups, gyms and free info online these days that there really is no excuse to be overweight bar some horrific injury/illness (and no, thyroid disorders dont make a big difference). We really do. Dont be afraid to admit your faults. lets be fair. I could go on, but you get the point: were in the same boat. because Im just buying froo-froo food. Marriage, like any relationship, has its ups and downs. EXTERNAL REASON, EXTERNAL SOLUTION. DID YOU BUILD UP YOUR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH? You have to be an adult and separate any of this from your children. Welp, I typed a very detailed and educational comment about the solution to this problem but it was snuffed by the moderators so heres the more tactful gist of it: You cant force a woman to change. So, clearly, what seems to be missing here is empathy. His wife looks like a man almost and looks like she weighs well over 300lbs. I already hate how my weight has put me in bondage and believe it or not i try EVERY SINGLE DAY to get it under control. A marriage needs both love and romance to work. The irony is that we are both afraid to be alone, but both unwilling to do anything about it. So I have invested in a personal trainer and equipment in the hopes of expediting my weight loss but just yesterday he told me that he is not attracted to me and that he wants to WANT the person who he loves. Some might say illness cant be helped like weight can. Your post really opened eyes. Do you know why the women lose the weight after you leave them? I love my wife dearly and her size has not diminished my love for her. With my first husband, I replaced happiness with food. The problem is, SHE doesnt feel sexy anymore (despite me telling her she is, every day), and because she doesnt feel sexy she doesnt act interested in sex at all. Cutting meat out of diet is not going to automatically make you lose weight. We left counselling with a great deal of optimism. My wife weighs 265lBsweve been together for six years and married for threewhen I met her she was 230she dropped to 195 after working out, which she did on her own, but then she gained weight again after the pregnancy and was almost 290.but shes dropping Weight again a a shes now 265. I asked her where have you been all my life? and she said why didnt you wait? It was 5 years into my marriage, and she broke it off suddenly when I made a comment about my wifes fat and her mothers size. She is a breathing, living human being with faults. And as another comment suggested, that is a disconnect in the relationship. His physical issues bothered me, but I was willing to overlook. Love is not a state of being. Such as the other day, he hit a guys butt at a party, and the guy looked at me and then him and said I will call you when I need my car fixed. One night I laid there crying letting her know how my emotional needs were not being net, that because she did not see herself as being sexy enough or attractive enough for me. Wow. I have thought many times maybe she will wake the hell up. Could it be that maybe she has fallen out of love with you? This is not how marriage works. The Tinder diet has an almost 100% success rate. Lbs In my senior year of high school I weighed 145lbsbean pole Im 42 now So little over 20 years Ive put on 25 pounds total And most is muscle because of the military Im still lean. It is clear how much you love and care for your wife. There are layers to this that dont make it simple. She patiently tolerates his yelling bouts and or happy noises (which are equally as loud and stressful God bless him). I was pissed! She is still not trying even after we separated. If shes too hassled by the kids, then hire some help. From the sounds of this story, it sounds like you are looking for people to agree with you or talk you out of breaking up with her. If you show a woman praise, love, appreciation, tell them they are beautiful, compliment them, be loving and supportive, speak the language they build up from. We shared similar interests (and kinks) and couldnt spend enough time with each other. Its as if they see themselves without flaw, but judge the person who is supposed to be closest to them. If you love your partner, it is also up to you not to let things progress to such an unhealthy state, let alone get worse. Haven't had sex in 4 years. At the end of the day, he didnt love me, and wasnt faithful and that is why he left. I really appreciate the authenticity with which you present your situation. So now I have fun exercising with him. Have you ever tried losing weight yourself? How Couples Deal With the Loss of Physical Attraction Even two straight guys felt compelled to make a comment about how close he kept getting in their facesetc. Sounds like you are just looking to justify your infidelity. And guess what? She can chose to show mercy, restraint, graciousness and forgiveness for his shirt-comings where as he can not get past his entitlement to having an ideal object. He doesnt care. truth is we ask have out issues but we should always make a commitment to the other to start healthy. I do think it is justified to leave your wife at a point if she lets herself go. She eats some sort of cake each day, 4 cream cakes this Sunday and always has sweets or chocolate in her hand bag and her car is littered with empty bottles and McDonalds wrappers. We often talk about cutting out all the fattening unhealthy stuff but 2 days later she will sit on the couch and eat half the bag of chipsthe big bag. He lost 5 lbs which you can lose just by walking more and proceeded to mention it loudly around the doctor like I had been abusing him about it. JoAnne, I want to hug you and slap some sense into you at the exact same time. I put on weight with my second child, but have worked it off. 2) shes depressed because shes with me It put everything in perspective for me. I know that was a mistake, but I couldnt help but feel she was a good match for me, or at least the best I could find. Then I went on a strict diet and exercised 2x a week and went back to 119. If any one of those is missing, you dont have a relationship that is a solid wife/husband relationship. In the gym. I am trapped. does she find you attractive? I also made the same excuse you did. also, he is like this, and he is a full time mechanic working in heat all day. 450+ lbs. One, I cant depend on my wife to make me happy. I counsel men and women and I hear it all the time from men about wives getting fat. Do not marry someone if you are too superficial to understand true commitment. I have been going to the gym regularly for the last several years. I HAVE TO FOLLOW A VERY STRICT DIET AS I HAVE MANY MULTIPLE FOOD INTOLERANCES. Your husband can still love you, but that doesnt mean he is still sexually attracted to you. Every relationship is different and what you are willing to accept is going to be different too. 160 to 380 is a deal-breaker to me. When me and my wife first got together and married she was full figured and toned. I HAVE TO READ LABELS ON EVERYTHING FOR ANY HIDDEN INGREDIENTS THAT ARE TRIGGERS.THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE LIFE, BUT I TRY THE BEST I CAN. His smells has woke me up several timesx many nights. If My Wife Wont Lose Weight, Am I Justified in Leaving Her? Trust me. IS THERE VERBAL/EMOTIONAL/SEXUAL/FINANCIAL ABUSE GOING ON IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD THAT YOUR WIFE (SPOUSE) IS HAVING TO DEAL WITH & IS UNABLE TO REACH OUTSIDE THE HOUSEHOLD FOR HELP AS THE WALLET IS SEVERLY RESTRICTED & SHE HAS NO ACCESS TO FUNDS TO PAY FOR THERAPY? She wants me to take her out and do this and that and this and that before we get together. do you really think attractiveness is something that is unimportant? They are in essence temporarily becoming someone else to try to trap another victim before they can let their true selves come out again. I found out he physically assaulted a woman hed been dating/using, dragged her out of his house by her hair, when she came over one night and found him in bed with somebody else. I am working very are to get back in shape and look and feel good. Is it a gene condition? I decided that if hes not treating me how I deserve to be treated (cause Im amazing with a cute face, big t&a, with a slimming waist) he wont get what a good husband deserves if hes expecting to get my 100% while hes only giving 50% the whole entire relationship! It is NOT an exclusively female privilege. People, its not acceptable for one spouse to let themselves go. That isn't marriage, that's not a commitment, and it's incredibly scary. He even makes working out funI used to be shy to sweat in front of him but then he had me convinced that he thought it was incredibly sexy that id get all gross and red-faced. The answer is both yes and no. It has been a miserable 12 years with an unknown number to go. Just admit it. I just find it interesting that our views on womens appearances, our judgementalism about it and being overweight are rather regressive. At this point Im getting angry. If you want a Barbie go get a Barbie. The shamed self will starve itself/ gorge itself. I doubt he thought I was; the point is he ACTED like I was. Thank you. Its a choice. Im not about to trade food for sex with my wife. Within those two years after our daughter passed I had to deal with finding new numbers in his cell and wallet, him going out with his friends and not coming home until the next afternoon and the weight I gained with pregnancy came back after I had spent two years losing it while putting myself through college and working part time while trying to be a great house wife even though HE wasnt ready for marriage. Too many responsibilities? We've been married for 15 years. To flourish, love needs mutual respect, kindness, attraction, common values and goals. It is the things people think, but dont say. He said the other I barely eat anymore and I am not losing the weight, I will just need to get surgery I replied that is lie, cause you dont gain weight starving or in a calorie deficit.
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