Well what can I say but Im very very lucky! I met someone new and we started doing all the things I had never been able to do with my married lover, concerts, eating openly in local restaurants, my married lover was going nuts, ringing and texting and promised she would sort things out and tell her husband everything and that we would be together, I loved her so so much and I ended my new relationship as I wanted to follow my heart. She said she was now confused, she was worried about her kids,she was suddenly fearful but could not say of what, so for 6 months of 2010 she was with me and in constant contact, swearing never ending love and a life of bliss, then when her husband leaves again suddenly the contact with me is reduced and she became withdrawn. Why Do Women Act Like They Don't Care About You After a Break Up? Even though it goes against everything she ever told me, He has a 4 year old son and his ex girlfriend is pregnant with twins, My ex girlfriend told me she could never go with someone who has baggage. Jennette said that when she asked her mom if there was any way she could "stop the boobs from coming in," Debra told her about calorie restriction before ultimately obsessing over her weight. Thanks for verbalizing what I think a lot of women go through. And when you talk to her, does she smile and seem to enjoy it? If its any consolation, John, not all of us are baddies. I wouldnt leave his house as I went into meltdown. Madonna posted eerie message before being admitted to intensive care Does she weigh your every word and also remember what you said to her? It is the BEST thing I have ever done for myself. The bottom line is, if a girl truly cares for you, youll feel it for sure. How much I needed to have faith that the kind of care I was being offered was enough. Good luck to you. This post came at such an opportune point because this guy that has been around a lot lately I can still see why I ended our friendship way back when and I wonder what the hold is my other friends have as to why they hang with him so much. And, like you, I see that there were red flags that I ignored. This one can be tricky. Or maybe its both of us doing that to each other. I know its only one day. He said that I was in many ways his ideal woman, but that, for us, the timing was wrong. I was in despair once again, asking her what was going on, maybe no contact from her for a week, then a day of texts saying I was her world, her rock, she needed me, that made me happy then nothing for another while.I went over the top with her birthday and Christmas presents, I got a text from her on Christmas Eve to say sorry cant get round I left your present with a mutual friend. Thanks everyone for being there to read, write back, suport. Notice in my original post, I skipped over the bad times. It might sound clich, but its the truth. I love her family now but we had broke up again and a week later she said she talking a "friend" and did I find a friend yet. That would be like a dozen exes in the frame! Or did you get nothing from her? Typing it, I recognise it sounds deluded. I'm sorry if I seem blunt or anything but did you even read my post? I called the A/C two days after I left, and he said he still loved me. If you would, there is something seriously wrong. He doesnt like, love, care about or respect me. They have a new person in their life.. After that, you can leave him a phone message or email saying you dont feel its right to see each other any more. He was seeing who was going to put up with the most crap. I am happy and peaceful because I am no longer that woman, the other woman. If youre going to work things out or be friends, its not going to be at this point. Even greeting him a good morning and smiling at him when we passed each other and inviting him to my birthday (he opted out, as expected) just to let him know that hey, Im okay now. Lots of relationships dont work out. I think I was mad that I lost somehow. Learn from your mistakes & take them into consideration for your next relationship. I spent the next couple of months shifting from I dont care, if he doesnt want me then I dont want him either to OMG. Or is it all take and no give? Healthy relationships are the future. Either she comes right up to tell me or forever hold her peace. He was gone until 2:00 am in the morning many week nights and on numerous weekends, red flags and blaring sirens indeed. For example, if she is talking to friends and you enter the conversation, she puts you in the spotlight as soon as possible. I wasnt happy to see her, I wasnt sad, I wasnt angry.I was enjoying the party and being with my friends, and that was it. asking nothing of him) and the most easy-going (i.e. Dylan Your post is educational women can be just a flip-flapping and EU as men and wreak just as much havoc. If we say (like I said when I first broke up with the AC three years ago) he never loved me he never cared about me and he hates me then we ARE invalidating every single positive thing that ever happened within the relationship. Meet him elsewhere for coffee. Yet me, who loved him, was a brilliant friend he deems me worthless. Are you waiting for him to confirm it some more? I love her family now but we had broke up again and a week later she said she talking a "friend" and did I find a friend yet. Thanks N. Your blog has been a source of comfort to me; I have learned enough to carry me forward. All I do know for sure is she helped me get over her. Im happy because someday, Ill awake every morning with a committed, caring, and respectful man who can look me in the eyes and say aloud, Good morning sunshine. Does almost every sentence you say make her giggle? We like to feel that we meant something, that we were important, missable etc. Complicated, a control freak, vulnerable, confused, alone. Accept that they cared, but that for whatever reason the relationship is over. F. Anyone else home for the holidays? And I know everyones response here will be that Listen. He was actually on a date that evening and seemed really awkward about telling me so (he was always bluntly honest about everything with me, im the one who didnt get out sooner) but i told him im seeing someone too and he seemed glad to hear that. Because when someone is EU its not because of anything that you have done or havent done while being in the relationship with them that makes them EU-they are EU because of their own issues-being EU comes from within themselves, so its there responsiblity to fix that, not yours, theres nothing you can do to make them EA anyway. But there are some signs that can help you identify whether a girl likes you or not. Sorry Fearless!!!! I want to share with you a different spin on how you are evaluating your situation with your dad. Please tell me you want more from someone, b/c this guy will never care for anyone, not even himself. So, once again, dont assume based on this one sign. At the beginning, I really wanted to rs to work and so i went looking for answers. I came across this site while lying in bed aching and hurting after my lover, left me alone and without contact again all over Christmas. I cant stick to the one healthy process so that I truly move on and I am mad about this. I dont know how to get over this. Run. If you accepted less than who you are and what you need in this relationship, then you already know this. I left him alone after that. They are missing the good times and good feelings they had when they where with you. I tied myself in knots and had depression and anxiety for almost three years seeking an explanation. Its been five years since the playa extraordinaire. After the breakup I almost immediately felt my self-esteem rising even though I was dumped and it did feel terrible. He told me he was mean and EU, and Ive spent the last few days hoping for an apology. I joined Natalies No Contact Email Group in the beginning of December and with her encouragement and advice, I found it easy to not respond to his plea. I dont know how to stop doing that. These really hit me. She said she would miss me, but saying what I was to her would give me closure, and that it didn't benefit her at all if she said it, and how it wouldn't change anything (I've realized now how selfish of a person she is). You havent done anything that warrants his treatment of you and trust me when I say nothing, absolutely nothing you could have said or done would be any justification for this betrayal. On the other hand, it really wasnt about me at all and that hurts tremendously. Selfishly he wanted me even if it was a tiny bit. This from a guy who said I must have gotten the wrong idea. He would get drunk every night and be very hateful to her, even getting physical with her. Am I being too bitter and not wanting to face that he simply is just not that into me. Dont have him in your home, especially if you think it may get physical. A woman who cares will want all the attention she can get from you. Greatest gift was when he walked away and went NC. Natalie, I have read your post and read again and tried to think of what to say, as I want to say something of how this has helped me today I have typed and deleted and typed and deleted for the want of proper expression. Once I figure it out, my boundaries were there in place and no one can break them down especially him. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. Nat Another way of looking at it (though Im aware that Im giving in to the temptation to speculate on their motivations) is that it simply may not be ethical for a medical professional to help an ex out in that way? But I care so much about her and just wanna be able to be in her life in some form. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Yes absolutely. Does she allow you to? Or was it all just a mask? Im so struck by how I keep trying to find love and validation from the people who are least able to give it to me and how this is so much like my relationship with my family. I don't think I need to share more. July 1, 2023. Yet, deep down there is an itch wondering, wondering. If she's holding back from any physical contact, it's an obvious sign that something's wrong. Again he has said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. How awful it makes me feel so hopeless and cynical about love sometimes. I am happy and peaceful because I am no longer that woman, the other woman. Secondly, children dont come with instructions. Truth be told, I didnt miss him. Ive also found that the way a person shows interest in a partners inner circle family and friends is a great gauge of how much that person cares. My girlfriend of almost 4 years left me 2 weeks ago because My Girlfriend Seems To Care More About Friends Than Me (She Acts Differently), My wife left me 3 weeks ago and is 6 months pregnant. i imagine sometime in the new year, when its a brand new stage, that i will resurrect myself and sally forth. Focus on what you feel now. Ramona. Is that because he cared and he showed it by hurting me really bad ? I have decided to go back to counseling. I think there is a caliber of cruel people out there and I am hearing about them on this site. You must be your own best friend. A year later I dont care what the answer is. I'm sure it comes as no news to you that breakups happen for a reason. It was nice to speak to him at the time, but neither if us has contacted the other since, nor have i felt any need to. He too, went from fawning all over me to treating me like he hated me to finally evaporating into the atmosphere. 3. In other words, I am holding onto potential. I find it hard to beleive ive treated someone as bad as i treated her. . Every single person on here knows their own personal truth in regards to whether their ex really cared or not. I took time out, i was single for a while, i had loads of fun, i did my own thing, i kept strict NC (god was that hard!!). No matter where the beliefs came from it is important that we discovered them and now we have the opportunity to change them to new positive ones so we can change our journeys and destinys from this point on. He has shown repeatedly in the year of our off-again on-again so-called relationship that his I miss you is just his way of testing the water, pushing the door back open and getting back into shagging with no strings attached. and our It was just my fears and insecurities he was rejecting. Cookie Notice But a couple of days later, I realized I cant handle it. Does My Ex Think About Me, Or Have They Forgotten All About Me? What more of who he is do you need him to show to you? I felt like you did, how can he go from caring about me to acting totally indifferent yet claiming he loved me! Unless those reasons have gone, they can miss you, but it doesnt change the issues in your relationship. I put up with this month after month, she went without telling me on a holiday with her husband, turning her phone off for a week, I missed her that badly I just took her straight back. I still care for him now but it's purely because of my caring nature - it's me still having hope for another chance with him. If she often touches you, especially by chance, seeks contact, or even loves to hug you, then she most likely really likes you; unfortunately, this can be purely platonic too. We dated at one point, broke up and stayed friends for years afterwards. If you think badly of yourself, you will end up with someone who thinks badly of you and the cycle repeats. It is these beliefs that need to be reprogrammed, nonetheless. I just keep telling myself better late than never! Is she avoiding eye contact? Thats not honest, or honorable behavoir on his part. He lives 200 miles away and our meetings became rarer and rarer as his commitment waned. It would be easy to put myself under a load of pressure to try to do All The Things in the name of book promo, but my body said no to hoeing myself out. Just because they arent chasing you now doesnt mean they never cared. I told him he wouldnt be meeting any more men I meet, and that he wouldnt have met this last one, had we not all been at the same function and I had no choice (or right) to ban my brother. Its always good to remember what a friend actually is and that its not ipso facto someone you used to be in a relationship with. Only you know the relationship you were in. I think I know how this is gonna go (aka needs to go), but I thought Id try to get some opinions because I dont really have many people to go to. He wants to come round tomorrow evening with my christmas gift, what do I do? Its never a win situation with this type of ACs. Even if you believe that you deserved to be hit or put down, you didnt. So at this point I am considering covertly disconnecting from my brother, mother, and even those mutual friends of my brothers and this last guy I dated, because they werent supportive of me either. Or we refresh our email and check our junk box, and theres no email. We had an awful argument which I managed to do with clenched teeth in a low voice in the office. Im Natalie Lue, and Im a recovering people pleaser. WHY? It feels strange; peaceful but strange. Thats not caring, thats neediness and being out of control. So now we aren't texting or anything, but at work she still acts like we're friends. We still kept and keep in some contact as we were friends before and research colleagues (academics in same field who worked at different universities), but it was/is very guarded and polite. Any suggestions? When you do, youll spend less time trying to analyse the levels of their care. There is no magic fix all and the difficulty about focusing on you sometimes is that if you are feeling very low it is just so difficult to do. I am facing a problem with my wife and I seek advice. Even if she subtly changes her behavior when she notices that you are entering the room, that can tell a lot. That I wanted her at all was more about fantasy and desperately seeking validation than about who she really is. You dont own them or the spot in their life. At least that has been my experience. Here are some signals: These can all be signs of excitement. Just wanted to get to know and become friends with this seemingly awesome sweetheart of a girl. Is this a Catch 22?. Wishing you the best!!!!! Me my ex was dating for a year and a half. He did really care and he demonstrated that through direct actions. By the way, Natalie has posted on this exact topic why her and not me. Mine said sorry in front of me but hes actually doing the same to other women. So 3 months now of NC what so ever, and called me for the 1st time since we broke up a few days ago! Theyre either in or theyre out!When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect.Dont forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Saying I was weak and pathetic. Pathetic, little man-boy. take heart, and trust that there will be someone better out there. What to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares - She Blossoms being NC i am relieved of those horrid feelings. Hold on to that. I was simply an option, a safety net, just in case one day his wife DID throw him out. That electric jolt thing happened early on with the AC I got tangled with. My eldest took this photo of me last Tuesday the 10th, launch day for my book, The Joy of Saying No, in the US and Canada. Generally be nice and appear amicable rather than be cold, indifferent and reticent? Seeing his potential made me believe for the longest time that he could turn into what I want maybe. His absence validates you because it shows he cant be who you need him to be and that leaves room for the right person to make their presence known. I was vile to this girl. You put everything into words that Ive been fumbling around with in my muddled brain for the last year or two. Its not too late for you, Cherry, to walk away and put your life back together again and you can do it. Im sorry to hear about both of your parents. Iv;e lost the love of my life and there is nothing i can do but take a back seat. But main thing he didnt appreciate you and thats not good enough! I have dated EUM before but never some one so incapable of feeling anything. @mh your story sounds similar to mine. They got a house together and things started going to shit (granted they werent always perfect anyways) which led to her breaking up with him. we were back and forth for awhile it was almost like a tug of war between me and the other woman . I am creative, outgoing, free spirited and extremely loving yet all that has gone and I am left a shell. Again I was getting worn down by this but again her husband did leave. I dont want to let this destroy me I was so happy with the person I was when I first met my ex. But she became more and more withdrawn from me. For me, the other shoe dropping to this family of origin/pattern influencing stuff is how much I used my imagination to fill in the glaring gaps in my relationships. Why would she message me though mate, why would she tell me she cares and is worried about me, There has to be a reason. Aubrey, one of the signs of a person who is going to be difficult to not only have a relationship with but also difficult to work at an issue with, is when someone doesnt see themselves as part of the problem. it was over email a few sentences asking him to call me if he could. There's clearly a reason you treated your ex as you did. Angry? Mine doesn't even show a sign of care. In the high emotion of a break up, its understandable to go to the extreme of thinking he/she is a narcissist AC user with no human feeling and a diagnosable personality disorder who deliberately went on the rampage to break our hearts before buggering off. The more informed you are, the better you will understand women. So, you need to pay close attention if you want to understand which is true in this case. I was very surprised; I hadnt seen her in awhile and thought shed left the city. Then afterwards, I felt guilty for rejecting him. Eventually, he sent a text message saying he would just cause me pain if we kept this up and later called and broke up with me. His lack of effort to keep in touch ate away at me. While I entertained the thought of telling the betrayed wife for a moment a few evenings ago, I realized that it wouldnt be worth the effort in my case. I know i was a horrible person, but things were changing, my gambling addiction had been kicked, my life was on track, i had big plans for this year with her. But she still chose him over me. Thanks for the clarity, AC! Does she do this for relatively minor conversations? So thankfully she has her safety now. Yep it might take a year or 2 or 3 to really recover, no one is clock watching here. What's 'Jane Roe's' legacy? Her daughter recounts a complicated life spot on its not about the guys. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 5 months 2 years ago, I still care for h My husband left me 3 months ago after 3 years. Although, of course, I was pleased its finally out, truth be told, I was mostly *knackered* that day. I can be that way for other people but not for myself. Can You Tell Whether a Narcissist Really Loves You? How can you tell a guy genuinely cares about a girl? This guessing game can be very exhausting. Unsubscribe at any time. We can do it! Quite likely, using the above signs, you will be able to understand how to tell if she cares about you. He was waiting for the youngest to leave home this summer. I love my husband very much, and we have an incredibly good and healthy relationship. I thought he was the love of my life. Nearly four years ago . in the early days, we talked on the phone. The biggest reason we all have to partake in NC is because we are still vulnerable, stuck on them, still harboring feelings, feel slighted by them, etc. We both know what those were like, right? I can see that I might well have been unhappy with her I was fantasizing about her, turning her into someone that she wasnt. And dont forget YOU, and only you have the power to decide if you want to involve yourself with this person again. Being, as you said (its also the term I used to describe how I see things), demoted to just friends as if nothing happened, as if nothings worth salvaging, is just too painful and Ive grown tired of being confused about how I feel and where I wanted to stand when it came to him. Nope. Some of my hurt about my break-up (and other relationships) has been retriggered this week because the ex was at my family home with me this time last year, and now isnt. If he was, indeed, making the relationship a priority, I guess I didnt see it. There is a 4-year-old girl in rural Arkansas who is learning to ride a camouflage-patterned four-wheeler alongside her cousins. SarahJ, I have been reading NMLs site for over a year. Did not reply. When they move on or they dont run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control. Get you together. Fact is you have no idea *what* any of these other people who are supposedly in the dark think. letting him get away with absolutely anything. Eventually, you will reach your own conclusion. Everything. The man I have been seeing is LD and lives in another state. Thats not because they dont care; its because the relationship is over. Maybe. If YOU had serious feelings for a man you WOULD NOT be dating other people and telling him about it. Nats right lean on the positive people in your life and realize how lucky you are for not being married to him and a crisis like this comes along. I have been having an extremely difficult time with this one. And so I can see why I still go back to that place sometimes of wanting the AC to care, of wanting him to realize he is sorry. Yeah, some are really slick but oftentimes, you smell the bull**** from a mile offand yet we yield. It was impossible to be friends with someone that I still had feelings for, as it was very painful. It feels less personal but is somehow more soul destroying that way. Shes starting to be distant and difficult, and theres something different about the way she acts toward you. I do think of him from time to time but only within the bigger picture of how I let bad relationships happen to me. Me having these feelings about my ex from such a long time ago makes me question how much I have healed or gotten over him. Done! Its hard to learn not to use black and white thinking. After spending Christmas in 2009 alone, in angusish, pain, and misery, I told him that I could not do that again. I have a mutual aqaintance and I have never asked her about him or say a word and either has she. Yes I need & want to grow and change, but I can not make others do the work thats insanity for me banging my head againest a wall. I feel for you. As what Natallie says, the other eu party cared as much as they were able to care and i truly believe that. When I told him that I knew he grabbed me by the hair and hit me across the face. However, whatever the reasons are for someone missing you that doesnt mean that its right for them to chase you or try to get back together. Angela, i think it would be wise for you to drop this guy fast, before he causes you more pain. i know it would prove nothing only spiteful but omg , its almost like they are so confident they can simply drop you and walk back to their ex and you will continue to lie to protect them. X. You know it! Another of his women contacted me and we exchanged notes, and I am eternally grateful to her for making me hear the truth. When you wrote , Yes, Lynne, I should have listened, he told me what I was in for right from the start.