Your Spouse Wont Forgive Your Infidelity I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. He is very religious and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex for the first time and he possibly would have cast me aside if I told him the truth. And anyways just because a person is commiting haram by having a relationship how does them marrying the same person or a different person all of a sudden make it better? Some men can brag,. If he ever left me is it my fault even though I tried to tell him several times? These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Full stop. about their sexual encounters and get away with it even after marriage because they know their wives are too much dependent and will not leave them. And the last time I tried to tell him the truth a few months ago which he still ended up judging me and also refusing to believe the truth because he's already convinced With the lie. Please advice me. Boys families usually laugh it off if they find out their son/brother has a girl friend. In the end that is what counts. Now we have a son and we live happy life. I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. Perhaps there are some alternative options that strike a balance between the two. Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. He started to distrust me because he kept going to old message accounts and discover that there was more. I lied about not having done any more than kisses. They already know that they have made mistakes. Jinn possession has caused my wife to commit adultery. We can only do this with kind words, and by reminding them of Allah SWT. He should only be concerned about your current state and help you in becoming righteous. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. Next, Dawn R., 25, and her wife, Jo, 24, open up about their pasts. Sorry Brother Wael for creating discomfort by using mutliple user IDs .. Husband Don't feel guilty. And I kept changing and changing the story till it made more sense to him. 02 June, 2020. and one day he said its OVER.. Because he got fed up (which I don't blame him) And I cried so so much, ya Allah my heart ached, he was the only good thing that happened to me when I loved him at the time, and my love grew stronger. I wouldn't tell my sins, it's mineI repented from it and case closed. I shared my body measurements with a guy online. Some weeks ago my fiance wanted to know everything of my past. because of our history he is like my best friend despite all of this. Untangle your thoughts and feelings about the past, and live in freedom from them as you move forward. So I would only answer to what he asked and not tell him anymore. You were just a bit unfair to the groom. Memorize these two bits of wisdom. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. easily hurt me And Allaah Knows while you know not.} I have hurt my fiance immensely and will never forgive myself. I Lied To My Husband You need to stop feeling scared and blaming yourself sister. I congratulate you ,other editors for doing this great work . If you give it a chance, then you could walk away with no regrets knowing that you did all you can to make it work. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Fianc Cannot Accept My Sinful Past All these chat and mixing are haraam in Islam . We had 24/7 hours chat , he started talking about only deen and he used to tell everything to me and then one day when i found he had a gf ..He is the 2nd best person in my life. One must keep them concealed, as sincere repentance wipes them out and so it is as if the person never committed them. I just got married 6 months ago. A person with trust issues may harbor negative beliefs about trust and may find themselves thinking limiting thoughts, such as: I can never let my guard down.. And remember you can always rebuild new and better memories with someone else. Web13 July, 2020 Short Answer: You ask whether you should hide these sins, and the clear answer is YES. I started lying just to not fight, like if I still give Salam to my cousins by hand which I'm really working on, but he isn't letting me do things in my own pace, now he always make me look like I'm less religious, or that I don't want to be religious. 10 Life-Changing Facts to I wrote a comment for him about this at the exact same time that you submitted yours. I dont want a friend who negatively influences me, My friends are all married but I cant even finish school. I told her that I was a virgin when I was not. Just keep it halal. He deserved the truth at the beginning. Marriage past As Allah told the Prophet (sws) in the Quran, if he had been harsh with the people they would have fled from him. It would have been nice, if, along with your nick, your advice was golden too. WebEither it stems from insecurity or just classic misogyny. Guilt. And tell your parents the truth about what he really is like. Dwelling on your guilt is fruitless, and if your guilt can incite you to action, then you have taken the best lesson from it. May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen. if the marriage happens, take it as a sign from Allah (through isitkhara) and if it dosent , take is as a sign all the same and walk away. Is It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins? But I can't claim to be religious if I'm lying may Allah forgive me I have repented several times. Must I tell my future husband about my shameful past? In this counseling answer: Telling your husband more details about your past will only make things worse. What you should do is avoid bringing this subject up with your husband, but if he brings it up you This was an arranged marriage. I even had to swear. you cannot keep punishing yourself. If you have done things that amount to the same as the guy, he has no basis to call you out or judge you on your past, you may as well be doing the same, but remember, men are a bit different when it comes to the pasts of women, you should have kept all your deeds to yourself and Allah, as they are meant to be. Once is an accident; twice is a By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. I lied about my sexual past Islam So I told him the complete truth. Pray the Holy Spirit to move on behalf of your husband and speak life over your spouse and marriage through the scriptures. I shared my body measurements with a guy online. My understanding is that both of you have been dating each other and have dated others previous to this relationship--so, in other words, both of you have engaged in haram relationships. I felt like for him with whom he plays with words. My mother is stealing from father to send relatives money! This makes no sense. Hiding past sins from fianc - Islamweb - Fatwas - May Allah swt help us to do our best while we realize our weaknesses and keep improving. You have good heart that is why you felt bad over your dad sadness. Disclosing sins is also WRONG . Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? Dealing with Husbands Mental and Verbal Abuse Silent Infidelity: How Porn Addiction Affects Your Marriage 13 July, 2020 Short Answer: You ask whether you should hide these sins, and the clear answer is YES. Its a wonderful thing that God forgives and forgets. My parents want me to marry a psychologically abusive man. I have some own problem of getting irritated to see people talking Allah ,allah and then telling thier stories about Zina ,porn etc etc .I think this personal dislike probably resulted in using harsh words ..I don't feel myself better but have this nature of getting irritated to read such stories from practicing muslims .. Astaghfur Allah the lies kept piling up from there. Do not share any more about it, especially if you feel God has forgiven you I think your husband needs to accept your past and you need to accept your past because its made you who you are supposed to be. Lying between spouses - Fiqh In your addict past life, you had sex in exchange for drugs. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Now forgive yourself and forget about it. I know that it was still a shameful act. He told me all about his past and accepted it, and I told him all about mine which includes bad friends, bad decisions and boyfriends and guys I knew, But none of us had intercourse, or any sexual physical contact with each other or anyone else. Is It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins? Webgratefull that your husband did acknowledged his past and has taken responsibility and told you about it before he married you what an 'honourable' thing to do. did you meet new husband during divorce process as i don't know how to search for new man for marriage .sister ,How you met your new husband as some tips might help me ..Allah keep you happy.". My boyfriend lies, wants a threesome, and a second wife! Which isn't true. When my fianc and I first got engaged, he asked me whether I had had any relations with men in the past. All relationships even the most abusive will usually have good memories. In my opinion you have 2 options. And I never had any type of relation with women, (friendhsip, girlfriend etc). It should be noted that one of the main reasons that cause problems between spouses, and that could cause these problems to escalate to a very bad You didn't need to lie. please do not take Golden seriously, admins please and as per your own accord, please block Golden, Copyright IslamWeb 2023. Now the things are peaceful. I asked for space to sort my life out so that if we got married all the lies about how I am with the family won't be lies, I would deal with not giving Salam to men, and my whole lifestyle. I really want to know what's right and I hope Allah will make happen what's right. And it's normal to focus on those and hold onto them. 8- Allah is the Owner of all things and has control over the hearts; He is the One Who can change your husbands heart. On several posts he has used different names, but of course, you can tell its the same person. What we advise you to do is to let your wife come back to you and go back to living together in one home. Dar al-Ifta al Misriyyah is considered among the pioneering foundations for fatwa in the Islamic world.It has been the From that time I started over thinking, I never tried to think there could be many reasons for hiding a girl. Oh, take your time. Islam lie to your partner about your past relationships I got married to a girl recently but rukhsati has not taken place. what has past has past we look to a better future. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. My Husband Lied: Shall I Divorce or Stay with Him Can I divorce my husband without a valid reason? Thus, every praiseworthy goal that can be attained either by telling the truth or by lying, then lying is prohibited. Last night I admitted that about 5 or 6 years before I met him, I was a sex worker. 7- Perform your prayers on time, wake up every day before the Fajr for the night prayer, and supplicate Allah to change your situation to what is best. He is the 2nd best person in my life. Lies Also, the OP has said that they changed and they stopped seeing each other for a year now. Its important to know about a potential mates past for very obvious reasons. WebMy husband is still connected with his past and sins. As far as giving a detailed description of a prospective wife to someone is concerned, this can be done in writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. With this in mind, I would advise you to seek counsel from someone who has less strong feelings towards him whilst also having your best interests at heart, perhaps a friend or more distant family member. And I can't stand people judging like they know everything since I've been judged by family as well so many countless times since I was younger. Will he constantly be watching over you, unjustly accuse you of things? go of my past mistakes These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. I get what you are saying. I am raising money for my asylee friends family! IslamicAnswers.com Staff Photo Gallery. This is why girls should not be talking to the boy they are going to marry so candidly--this lack of barrier is something he is taking full advantage of and there is no Wali there for you to guide you and tell you--this is why you NEED to involve your elders. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Im scared to practice my new religion in my parents presence. And he kept If it goes long enough and the situation explodes against you, both might. past The person will likely want to know why you lied, and being honest about your motive might help them forgive you. Should I let my future partner know about a previous relationship? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Leave him and look for someone with better character and imaan. WebAnswer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, I pray this finds you in the best of health and faith. A brief about myself, I'm way too kind as what my family say so kind that people can easily hurt me because I'm overly sensitive and tend to cry easily and overlook people faults and forgive them. It is understandable that you feel so upset. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. No. Joel fixed me with a cold, flat gaze. These are tests from God So understand this. You telling LIE is wrong . I met my boyfriend and just like many relationships we told each other everything, back then we weren't so religious we just stuck to the prayers, Quran and fasting. Having pre marital relation ship are haraam and it will lead to mess like this .. Insert his name, insert your name, and speak life into your relationship. WebThe believers, men and women, are Auliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin Al-Maruf (i.e. I pray this finds you in the best of health and faith. Eventually, I told him some of what he asked about. Now the lies are about things I do at home, how my behavior is at home and if my abaya has little designs it's a problem, how long I sleep, who do I sit with in family gatherings. They are already ashamed or confused. I lied about my sexual past. I really think that you need to stop thinking so much and let your family know what he says to you. I saved everything for our nikaah. We did stop seeing other for like a year now And the lies extended more into me just not wanting to fight anymore since he doesn't listen. The reason why I lied was because I was ashamed. You might feel regret, you might not. But he also didn't agree. Bottom line. I am raising money for my asylee friends family! Thats not to say that you are actually being irrational in your feelings towards him at the moment, but more of a warning to be aware that there may be other perspectives that you are clouded from due to being surrounded by others who are unhappy with him too. How do you know that his marriage to you is good? accusing me of having another bf Recognize that even though you remember your sin, God doesn't. I have been spreading lies about my father, saying he abused me.how do I repent? Have I lost all my good deeds? Ha ha, how did you know that he uses all those names? Your [Quran 2:216]. Although, I did not do it intentionally. No issues now. Think about his good points and what attracted you to him in the first place. Wife lied to my family to get Nikahfied. WebHello everyone, I married my husband in 2002 but lived with him since 1993. Boyfriends father thinks my family isnt educated enough. Your bf says he never dated before, but yet he dated you for a pretty long time--seems hypocritical to me without a doubt. During our engagement, he made it clear that he wasn't an angel in the past, but that he is a different man now and he doesn't like to talk about his past since it is between him and Allah. Can he provide you with emotional support, be non judgemental. It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins I cant see my cousin marrying anyone elseshould I fight for this? I lied to my wife help : r/islam - Reddit I'm in a bit of a rush so can't reply properly, but yes it is normal to have those feelings, that you might regret it, feeling guilty etc - it's the fear of uncertainty of the unknown. About 2 weeks ago he asked if I have any past and I lied and said Ive only been with my 3 ex boyfriends he believed it. Can you please discuss this with your parents--especially your father? There is a double standard when it comes to illegal sex.. My please tell me how you managed to keep new husband happy as past experience wont keep you negative ? WebAnswer (1 of 13): My answer to these my boyfriend blah blah blah, what should I do questions is always the same. Your future husband should not be pushing you to expose yourself, it's not as if he's a saint. 5. my I (female) commited zina in my past, not the actual act of penetration but everything that comes before. Your Do you think it's normal for me to feel like I'll regret losing him? I feel as though everything is against my will. [6] Tell them why you felt like you needed to tell a lie. And at last, if you ever wanted to tell him of some of things that happened in your past, never say it in a neutral or normal way, but rather say it in a manner that shows that you are sad and ashamed of them. WebAnswer. Take sister Sabas advice seriously - discuss everything with your parents. Men are free to do any thing. Is the marriage still legal? WebYou see the tension between the two, yet you are specifically favoring Ryan's attention for your husbands comfort. gratefull that your husband did acknowledged his past and has taken responsibility and told you about it before he married you what an 'honourable' thing to do. Islam discourage us about asking these type of questions. Web1- Focus on your faith first, that is your responsibility; repent to Allah, make istighfar (asking for forgiveness), pray on time, supplicate, wake up during the last third of the night and Him saying that annoys me. It is between you and Allah swt. You blamed your husband instead of owning up to your mistakes. I hope this is just the beginning of you reaching for your own well-being and not the end. But more lies kept piling up since the first lie I made. Also there she was not religious that time .I used to regret .We used to end up in lot of arguments ,fights etc etc. And things are getting more serious as we are in sha Allah going to get married. Stand My Husbands Constant Lies accusing me of being a B**** You need to say that you did more than kissing but less than full on. As for giving him some kind of chance as well as seeking counseling together, this is to ensure that you give the marriage every chance to work before you walk away. Some people say that the concealment was right others say different. Don't ruin your life. Can you not offer a solution for this person that would help them, I mean really help them? Do I have to Tell My Future Husband About My Sinful Past? You might feel guilty, you might now. WebSalam, I (female) commited zina in my past, not the actual act of penetration but everything that comes before. We had 24/7 hours chat , he started talking about only deen and he used to tell everything to me and then one day when i found he had a gf .. Then I started judging him , it drove me crazy to think that all this time he had been playing with me by being religious person and never looked at his own actions. And that just rattled me and scared me because by then I was deeply falling for him. Do not share any more about it, especially if you feel God has Causes of Invalid Marriages He teaches me so much about deen and I do the same for him. My Husband Firstly: The fianc or husband has no right to ask about his wife's past. It is to guide them to make better choices. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". I just got married 6 months ago. Not honest about my past and lost Brother, you need to understand the nature of this website. WebVDOM DHTML tml>. He told me about his dates , the reasons for break ups even one reason for break up that involves intimacy between him and his gf. Again, you need to involve your elders. Is it ok to lie to your partner about your past relationships? Dealing with Husbands Mental and Verbal Abuse - Be a good wife and stop worrying about a past you cannot change. Imam al-Ghazali (Allah have mercy on him) explains the danger of lying, saying: So I say: Speech is a means to a goal. He would ask again and threaten by Allaah that if I did not tell him we would no longer be together. I feel so shameful. When your groom asked, you may just say - "I don't want to answer such a question". Tell My Future Husband About My Sinful Past