All my father wanted was me to agree with him. Yes, I totally agree with you. It hurts to know that sometimes you stop trying and are exhausted and hurt so their abusive comments eventually come true. My wife of 15 years absolutely hates my family and I'm tired - Reddit Wa jazakum Allah khairan . It affects me in many ways. Yes, we do have duties to our parents but if we are facing toxic parents we need to find a way to protect ourselves from losing our mental health. They cant be broken. My husband hates me because of my past and he's become my bully over time. (Al-Anfal, 8:46), Our Prophet said, It is sin enough for you not to cease quarreling. 4. My husband hates me and is cruel to me - IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice I love you for the sake of Allah too. You are right that ignoring reality is not helpful. After reading your post, feels supportive n my lonely feeling has gone In Shaa Allah I will try to implement these points. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. He prays all 5 times in the mosque. Thank you for your comment. gawaher.com since 2002 Our work places are nearby so we share a house. 13 February, 2022 In this counseling answer: I would like you to keep in mind that while it is ok to feel upset and angry, self-harming behavior would never be the right response. He has not spoken to me at all. I hate my family | IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Religion: Islam Posted March 20, 2008. Sometimes the best option is distance. Lena The Plug Says Husband Adam22's No 'Simp' After She Has Sex - TMZ And serving them is feeling like a punishment for me. He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. Looking for advice. Mom & My Husband Hate Each Other: Who to Obey? 1. All the time he cries about how he has no money and has to send to his family and how we have become an expense on him. He even went so far as to saying FU** your God. You need to figure out what underlying issues exist in the marriage and what is being done to fix them. Is it Permissible to Allow Wheelchairs in a Masjid? He affects my parents and me I have tried some of the things mentioned. Ive completely stopped attending any family functions and have very little contact with my fathers side of the family. Thank you sister. My question is #, I find a Hadith about Ayatul Kursi , which is very important ayat. Can a anaf Resident Pray Behind a Shfie Traveller? His concept is to suppress the wife and girls since they are burden to him or who I dont know. Please review the coping skills in this article. Sewing clothes and selling without informing the husband, The Mystery of Quranic Breath: Effects on Health and Well-being, Praying Behind an Omnipresent Believer of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihi Wasallam), The Status of a Job Acquired with False Certification. i find explanation about this ayat like that when we are going to sleep ,those time if we are read aytaul kursi, allah send faresta/angel for us to night time safety. Thank you again for this article. Islam teaches us to use our reason and to gain wisdom from our life experiences. so is that dream come from allah ????????????????????????? Its very mentally & emotionally exhausting and I find myself suffering from anxiety & panic attacks & many health problems manifesting from the stress. The only thing and my question for which Im afraid is. How to Deal with Toxic Family Members from Islamic and Counseling Sources [Part I] - IOU Blog, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_x8iumfZ3Vs, 5 Innovative Time Management Tricks for Online, 5 Innovative Time Management Tricks for Online Students, Mishkat, Book: Ethics, ch. I only partially agreed to this marriage because of the intense psychological pressure from my family. They are with her and you have to be constantly reminded that you are so close to be doomed for life if not already. Please advise is this the right ground to take a divorce or should I keep trying. Dear sister, if the problem is your husband, please seek some kind of help, such as counseling or talking with an Imam. There is no justification in Islam for any type of abuse and you should certainly try to seek help from a trustworthy outside source. Ameen. Wa iyaa kum. Two key characteristics of toxic family members is that they are: 2) Unwilling to accept any responsibility for their behaviors. And your husband and your in-laws seem to be ignorant people! Any mistake or oversight on my part is seen as something intentional. Remember that your first LOYALTY has to be to your spouse. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. Consider the feelings of everyone involved, view them as individuals, and accept that you can understand but not control them, suggests Dr. Judy Kuriansky on Family Education.com suggests. Assalamo walaikum brothers and sisters. I unfortunately do not enjoy his presence at all. My in laws are very bad. Consider the following hadiths: Those who abuse their slaves cannot enter Paradise. 6 For asking him to buy some gold. Praying you have found peace InshaAllah and it will give me hope that things will change for the better! There are need to be exposed with this issue and listen to the truth or.the more harden the hearts will be.. My husband does not make any effort in keeping us together, does not like my family, takes help from them but talks bad behind, he uses bad language with me, tells me I am not fit to be a wife, does not like the food I prepare, and asks me to stay in his father's house since I am married to that house. Lena The Plug says the ridicule her husband Adam22 is facing after she filmed a porn scene with another dude is absurd . Me and my husband are facing some family issue . Quora - A place to share knowledge and better understand the world I couldn't take it as I was really young. ;( . He said I dont care for what he feels and that I dont respect his age and experience in life. Wa iyaa kum dear Sis. I agree that self care is of utmost importance. I totally agree with you, Murtaza. But what if its your parents? Those who abuse their slaves cannot enter Paradise., An owner slapped his female slave in the face, and the Prophet ordered him to free her as compensation., Aishah (the Prophets wife) said, The Messenger of Allah never struck a servant of his with his hand, nor did he ever hit a woman.. It is very difficult to maintain ties of kinship with them and they know this. Thank you for your comment. It's my husband brothers and their wife . The worst part is he is a very pious man. Please someone talk to me whole family are struggling. I have been looking for something like this for quite some time. A: If he is not interested in maintaining and taking care of you and he is making wrong demands then respectfully ask him for a divorce. As I have been told so many times. Jazakallahu Khairyin for this post I am a revert and this post was truly a guidance.Filled with hurt my heart feels so heavy due to Mental Abuse. sometimes I fear that I wont enter Jannah because she is always reactive and upset and Im losing my cool and patience is wearing thin. How do you relieve yourself of that feeling? My husband hates me and is cruel to me Posted by anonmuslimah86 May 15, 2015 Printer-friendly Salams, I am writing because I am so desperately lonely and sad. Thank you for your kind comment. But what I do hate is the fact that when it came down to it, religion meant more to my family and friends, than me . living with family members is enough, take care of urself, if u make ur self care u will be at peace with toxic family members behavior. The very day late evening he became mad with anger that I his eldest son dont hAve any respect for him and this that stupid things. Told my mother hell not even shake my hand on the upcoming EID day. When I first met my husband, he was kind, considerate and a 'real gentleman' however, my daughter (then 7) he will . Im sorry to hear of the hardships you are going through. Please Clearly Indicate if Nikah Will be Valid if I Use LIVE VIDEO on Internet. In recent times i am beginning to hate my hubby. To make a long story short, when my parents found out they didnt care. May Allah swt have mercy on us all. For example: Use your intuition to decide when is the best time to talk about an issue with a family member. How to cope is complicated because every situation is unique. I dont know , I feel like I am finished. I understand that you are struggling with living with your in-laws. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". However, let's not even go there as that sort of treatment isn't happening, rather, quite the opposite. I have been married for a few months and have known my husband for a few years prior to this. I am even scared to sleep sometimes, because they will complain that I am insensitive and not focused on what I want to do to start earning. Throwaway because people know my main account and I don't want anyone IRL to find out. My Mum has also convinced my Dad that Im a bad daughter and they are constantly attacking me verbally and psychologically. I must get a job first or start earning. It was such amazing timing. Islam teaches us to protect ourselves from harm. Is an Entry Fee at a Charity Event Considered Charity? I wish you the best and may Allah bless you for your struggles for His sake. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. My Husband Hates My Family: Possible Causes and What to Do And now she is like always rude to me and my family members. The very first time i dint agree with him he did not speak to me for 3 days. Does this also apply when the toxic family member is your mother? They cause me a lot of emotional grief. Wa alaikum as salam, Linia. Relationship problems are normal and can often be solved by honest communication and problem-solving. Thank you, Farzana, for your positive comment. SubhaanAllaahi wa bihamdihee SubhaanAllaahil Azeem!!! D reason is not far fetched. Name 1 my wife didnt like. Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you. Parents have an Islamic obligation to treat their children with justice and goodness. if u r silent neutral and always hiding ur pain it will do worse. My husband dislikes my family and hates spending time with them. Subhan Allah. I dont know what I can do about this situation. Indeed, discussion of how to deal with it is of great benefit and healthy. Babu May 30, 2020 Does this thought often come to mind: "my husband hates my family"? I was literally crying as I was reading this in my office. family - Should I side with my parents or my husband? - Islam Stack Can I travel to Saudi Arabia without a visa and apply for an umrah visa from there? Tell him what is going on, and how it's causing misery in your marriage, and that you love him and don't want to fear of the worst in the future because of his behavior. Thank you for your positive comment. I don't hate my Muslim co-workers. Should I allow myself to suffer and let them crumble my self respect as I did in the past? Assalamu aleykum sister. 2. Please help me with this . I take care of her as she is pregnant but still she never remember that things I do for her and always try to speak bad words for me and my family.. What if their behavior induces so much hatred in you and you just cant stand being with them? 'My husband hates our son and has told me I have to get rid of him or else' A parent has anonymously shared her story online, claiming that her husband blames all of his 'bad luck' on his. They blame my inability to get a job on my hijab. In such matters she has to obey . What should be my response? But If father is unhappy then Allah is unhappy. I have toxic family and I need help with this my parents have given up on him so he does just about whatever he wants and my dad has given up on him. They all show the characteristic of not accepting responsibility for their behaviour. And reasoning and logic doesnt work in this society with parents especially when they are uneducated. My family are Muslim, I don't hate my family. But they and their wives and my younger brother keep pushing my father about me. I cannot go out to visit friends who they blame for my new-found love for Islam and following sunnah- such as wearing the hijab, refusing to work in a riba-based organization, constantly trying to improve my knowledge of the deen. What if the toxic family member is mother..? Part 3 of this article will discuss boundaries and other coping ideas in more detail. Hating family members for being toxic only brings more toxicity into your life. But now we grow up , so no more beating even though he tries,but the cursing and all other things has gone even worse, But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Yet he is this arrogant and illeterate. Thank you for your comment, Rayaaz. Its not over 'til the Trumpet is Blown - Sin and Repentance in Islam; Poem: Turning Back to Allah; The Sin of Fornication and Adultery - Part 1. I know I was also wrong towards him in the beginning. Thank you for your comment and I am sorry to hear that both of your parents have been abusive to you. We have sought the opinion of a shaikh but we feel that its not right! Dear Hadia, I do not believe that you need to suffer. Therefore, Id try to avoid such toxic people to the best of my ability. I hope that your living situation will improve in shaa Allah. If your husband didn't have a good, closely-knit relationship with his own family, then he probably feels put down by seeing that you are close to your parents. Thank you for your comment, Hasib. I was molested by an older cousin when I was younger. Please share your views and suggestions about this article in the comments section below. Their behaviors are severely affecting your life and health. The day my wife was supposed to be discharged from the hospital we all got together and started the process of finalising names. I swim in my own tears more than I have ever done before which gives me awful headaches and I constantly feel like Im being choked because I try to suppress my cry. He prays tahajjud almost everyday. I am the youngest in a family with 3 sisters and a brother. When you go to your bed, recite Ayatul Kursi, (2.255) for then there will be a guard from Allah who will protect you all night long, and Satan will not be able to come near you till dawn. When the Prophet heard the story he said (to me), He (who came to you at night) told you the truth although he is a liar; and it was Satan. I hope I can get out of this situation soon . But whenever i neened any financial help there was no one with me. Do everything possible to try to improve this most important relationship. Al hamdulillah. Each year it gets worse and i am not not metal state whatsoever to address it in front of anymore let alone him, nor do i feel comfortable even talking to him about something else like how his day went. Sad to see so many are being tested by toxic family members. Disrespectful. Day by day Im hating them more and more. Take care of yourself by making dua to Allah. I have been married for 3 yrs and have a baby, i love my husband dearly BUT we are constantly having arguments, i feel he treats me like a bully, always putting me down, insulting me, and making me feel stupid and inferior. I hate my husband now. Suicide in Islam; Tawbah in Islam. He Doesn't Listen to Your Opinion Do we still continuing the relationship? Best thing I learned is trying to please an extreme toxic person is overburdening yourself which will eventually lead you to running yourself down. Wa iyaakum, Mohammad. The whole family lives in the same town, so we have to visit both houses when we visit my hometown. how if our iman day by day not as strong as its used too? Marriage should improve our Aakhirah, not destroy it. I live with my father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and two sister-in-laws with their kids. Now its been 15 days my little princess my daughter arrived into our family. Thank you for your kind words. As salaam Alaikum,what to do if the most toxic family member is your husband?What if u cant even talk to him nd xplain your feelings to him coz hes not ready to listen?what if his behaviour is destroyin ur duniya also and Aakhirah also? Thank you for this article. Listen to your intuition and use your reason. Wa iyaakum, Bushra. They say I am not a caring daughter but nobody cares about me or what I want. Well done! May Allah swt bless you all for your posts they are jewels indeed ameen. What had the baby done to deserve this? He finalised 2 names in the end. Salam brothers and sisters this is a marvelous article.but I must add it is also important to connect with other people genuinely aside from keeping a deep connection with the toxic person try to deepen connections with others around you.. Thank you for your comment. She suffers from depression and anxiety. Set and enforce boundaries and keep your distance. Help! It is not always possible to maintain relationships with a toxic family member as it can be detrimental to your own mental health. These all are just a few instances of abuse done by our great father to me and my mother. Also, do not take the toxic behavior of family members personally. Many psychologists believe that intuition is simply your past knowledge and experience coming out in a fast message; this definition of intuition can also be called: wisdom. Wa iyaa kum, Baliyamin. No one needs to be understanding of me. Have you spoken to him why he is being like this ? What can I do if both of my parent are mostly toxic? You need to try to avoid them as much as possible so that you can become more calm and at peace. May Allah swt reward you for this . My husband hates me for becoming a Muslim The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Wa iyaa kum, Rasha. Examples: You can set boundaries about how often you will meet or talk to toxic family members. Sometimes its best to speak directly to toxic family members. We arent supposed to even tell UFFF to our parents but I yelled at him and it felt good. jazak Allah. Awesome post. I need to leave this environment soon as I am finding it hard to hold on to the last pieces of my sanity. Feel free to email me at howtobeahappymuslim@outlook.com. My father said to me many times to go out from this house but i am here for my mother. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. Knowing it is destroying our duniya and also our Aakhirah. Wa iyaa kum, Hafsat. Wa iyaa kum, S.S.M. is this hadith true? Upholding the ties of kinship is very important in Islam, and it includes tangible and intangible matters, of which the intangible matters are far more important. My husband is an extremely difficult individual to deal with, in many ways. I am 29 years old, male and have been living with my father since 4 Years now. 4 things to do when your parents hate your spouse | Dave Willis - Patheos Dear Hadia, wa iyaa kum and thank you for sharing your story. Yet this article made me feel good as i am doing the same to deal my family members. Because reading aytul kursi with trust ,Allah makes us safe ,there is no chances that dream comes from saitan . May Allah bless you too. I wish I could forward this msg to alot of brothers and sisters going through very tough family problems. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of cookies. Thank you for the valuable article. Thank you for your comment. Humiliated you in public and wants you to sit there as she abuses, teases you and looks for the spot that will emotionally hurt the most. What if the parents are continuously in search of a reason (stupid and unlogical it may be) to hurt their daughters emotionally, Please sister prayer for me and for my little family. I have stayed with him for 1 year after marriage since he is unable to provide me visa in order to stay together. Here are other common characteristics of toxic family members: Toxic people act in these ways because it works to get their needs met. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". The aim of this is to let him notice his misdoings of not being the husband for you - instead, for his mom. . my father calls me and my little sister (who Im helping become a better Muslim) terrorists and Al-Qaeda for planning to fast 6 days of Shawwal and practicing Islam according to how it should be practiced, and not cherry picking and mixing culture with the deen. Should I Stay Married Even Though I Hate My Husband Because - IslamQA Initially how is at rede started telling what a useless wife my mother is does no job and simply spends time doing nothing. We sought counseling, by which I mean that I went, and he joined in a handful of times, and then vowed to never go again. So keeping distance for the sake of maintaining your health so that you can still show your parents respect (for the long-term) is the idea. Having problems with family members does not necessarily mean they are toxic. I do not believe you should allow yourself to suffer. Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. My mothers maternal instinct was to defend him. I have a question that no body gave us an answer for ! He selected said go with name 2. so glad i found this article i am also having same problem with toxic family members no matter how much they hate me i still cant hate them back i dont know why i always end up forgiving and forgetting their extremely unpleasant behaviour. Just judgement. If a family member does not respect your boundaries, then you need to have some kind of consequence, such as leaving for some time. You can try to show them understanding to the best of your ability. 15 Signs Your Husband Resents His In-Laws Completely - Bonobology.com The wife does not have to obey anyone among her in-laws, whether that is her husband's father, mother, brothers or sisters, in any matter, major or minor, unless they tell her to do something which is obligatory according to Islam, or forbid her to do something that is haraam. I am sorry to hear that you are facing so many hardships and injustices from your family. He manipulates everyone in our family and convinces them into getting what he wants. Not all of these ideas will work for your particular situation. May Allah bless you too, Nabila. Of course, pray to Allah (swt) to help you to improve. Allah is All-Seeing and All-Hearing, and He will reward your for your patience and sincerity. <3 , Wa iyaa kum, Shumaila. May Allah bless you too dear. Jazakhallahu khairan to the writer of this article. Do not despair, in this article we bring you some key ideas to improve the relationship between your partner and your family. Do I have to Tell My Future Husband About My Sinful Past? When i free i am going to researching about Islam . I want to leave my house as soon as possible and find some accommodation, get my degree and start a new life practicing Islam properly and happily on my own for now. Remember he didnt have an easy life, she said. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you and support you. Wa alaikum as salam, Hawwa. I will not get into the details of the toxicity I have been facing from my own parents for the last 20+ years but can honestly say that for the first time ever, my heart has lightened a bit. Wa alaikum as salam, Bibah. Conflict between spouses - Islam Question & Answer The write up is of immense help. I have been taking care of my. 20 February, 2023 Q Salaam. I am the last born in a family of 6 and have always been told about respecting elders and forgiving them no matter what It never made sense to me As I could not accept that the position of your birth could absolve one of any responsibility of their actions I cant help blame my mum who I believe has narcissistic personality disorder. Thank you for your comment and question. As for me these are chronic issues that needs attention of its own, because a home is a nucleus of community. They are also abusing me mentally and verbally. There is little or no support offered. He asks for forgivness but keeps on continuing the same. Once she was good enough I dont know she was wrapping her face or what and she was nice in my eyes . Name 2 we all loved. Worse still, they have refused to give me out in marriage. Do everything possible to try to improve this most important relationship. My husband doesn't get on with my daughter (from a previous relationship) who is 9. 2. Therefore, if your dream makes you feel good, it is a blessing from Allah (swt) and we should be thankful to Allah (swt) for our dreams. He daily tells my sister that he will have his revenge on me and he is making baddua and wants to see me suffer. By You have to worry about making sure you're fulfilling your duty towards him. What should i do.. what should i feel towards their family ?