I'm rambling on but trust me God has a vessel in heaven with your tears in it, he cares about you and hears your prayers, so pray for him to guide you and speak to your husbands heart. Polyamory can be challenging even when everyone involved is enthusiastic about being in a consensually non-monogamous relationship. The responsibility for the children falls on both parents - not just one. If he doesn't love you anymore it will be VERY clear in his responses and his actions. I would also suggest that you leave the kids with a friends or relative and either go out with him or go out with the girls. He doesn't have time for counseling because he doesn't want to make time for it. I've also cried for days at a time over a man that didn't reciprocate the love. Marriage is being described as suffocating for some individuals. This man is cheating on you. Often, yes. My Husband Pushed Me During An Argument, HELP! - FatherResource Monogamy used to mean one person for life. why should he change when he can do as he pleases, knowing that you are waiting at home for him. (This relates not only to if and how we partner, but also where we live and work.) The fact that he doesnt come home, you know that he hits on women and tells them he's divorced is enough for you to know that he's cheating. C., I am sure you have received plenty advice by now, however I cant help but still respond. We were tight on money (I didn't know to the extent of how bad it was) and he was withdrawing because to him, he was letting me down as a Husband and provider. I will pray for you. Just looking form the outside in based on what you have said, I would have to say that part of the porblem is that you make it too easy for him to do this to you. Anyway, maybe there is a way you could take a day or two to spend together alone. IT WILL BE HARD FOR THE KIDS TO UNDERSTAND AT FIRST BUT IF YALL ARE DIVORCED IT IS BETTER THAN THE KIDS SEEING YALL FIGHT OR FEELING THE TENTION ON A DAILY BASIS. Set by some judge, that really never gets the whole picture. You might look into a mother's day out program so you can have Hopefully. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. For the allotted time. I hate to tell you this but I'm pretty sure he IS cheating. At some points it makes being married more challenging as one spouse feels left out, or left behind in the process. The Lord does not give anyone any circumstance, addiction or whatever that he knows they can't overcome. More common forms are "disengaging" (a distracted or preoccupied partner) or "stonewalling" (a partner who refuses to. Divorce involving children isn't easy. Please do not feel that it is something that you have done to push him away after reading your note - this completely falls on your husband and his choice to spend time away from the family instead with the family. DO NOT sit there and let this happen to you and your children. 1. You feel neglected, ignored, dismissed, alone, frustrated, tempted, beaten down emotionally, you feel . He would help me out around the house & take care of the kids to give me a break. I don't want someone that doesn't want to be with me to stay for all the wrong reasons. It's an emotional injury. If your husband does not want to attend therapy, the second-best option is to seek advice about him from a licensed Marriage Therapist. It is a clear warning sign that there is more to come and that it will get worse. I think my biggest fear was of having been that wrong, for that long. he might even leave, but if he is the man you want him to be, and the man you deserve, he will come back when he realizes what he lost, and that you were serious. I should have been talking directly to him because none of those people could help me. I was single for almost 10 years and recently married a wonderful man. 11 Major Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship my heart hurts so bad i can't stand it. Otherwise we have a great relationship. I really feel for you that is why I am taking the time to write to you, I am busy with two teenagers. And you definetly deserve better. This is going to be a long road and you will be tattered and torn by the end of it. Your husband might just turn a complete turn around when he see's you putting your foot down. Yes. 3 Possible Reasons Your Partner Isnt Connecting With You, What You Need in Your Marriage Isn't the Problem, 11 Reasons People Choose Not to Have Children, 8 Signs That a Partner May Want a Divorce. All of which require hard work and commitment from BOTH parties. Whether youre six weeks into your relationship, six months, or six years, when your partner resorts to pushing you in a heated argument, it is far from being harmless. Research shows the increases in health, wealth,and happiness often associated with marriage are disproportionately experienced by men. Do you go to church together? It's obvious that the stress and heartache of this situation is completely consuming you. Before we go into the details of where pushing lies on the spectrum of domestic abuse, lets be clear that it doesnt matter what your partners gender is or what yours is. But I believe any marriage can be saved! Don't let another day go by without calling for an appt and getting the emotional support you need. Work at simply trying to get the conversation moving. If you think he is cheating on you then get a PI and have him followed. And it won't--it absolutely WILL NOT--be saved if he won't go to counseling with you. You are only allowing him to be comfortable with that lifestyle and then be able to come home to fulfill his need of family too. Get your yourself together and I hate to sound so extreme, but prepare fpr battle. Take care and God bless. Even if you have to write it down or email it to him. the communication he is having with other women is cheating. There is no shortage of men feeling rejection from their wives, but at least as many women feel spurned by their husbands. Unless he is willing to take drastic action and it doesnt seem like he does, you will need to take it yourself. Ask him more about this, but in a very non defensive way. As his wife, YES you can tell him you don't want him to go out. Now five years after the divorce we are back together with him having a better and clearer understanding that the NORMAL husband does not act this way. You are priceless and precious and God did not intend for marriage to be this way. I hope that everything goes well for you and your family. If he won't go to counceling - then you go. That's not love. Don't panic. Rather than handling a disagreement in a civilized manner, using words, your partner regressed to an immature response a physical one. Let him know his boundries, has to come home at night. Hang in there even if it means staying with family for a few days to let him know you're serious and won't tolerate this treatment. I your not choosing to accept what they are telling you! You are not alone. Prior to the Industrial Revolution, the primary purpose of marriage was to procreate (legitimately) and to fulfill financial, political, or social expectations. Fight for your family don't let you and your kids be robbed of what God wants for you. please help with some advice on what i should do, or what u did if u've had a similar experience. YOUR KIDS ARE SEEING WHAT HE IS DOING ANY COULD POSSIBLY DO THE SAME THING TO THEIR FUTURE SPOUSES OR THEIR SPOUSE COULD DO IT TO THEM AND THEY THINK IT IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR. Could your husband have a drinking problem? Could those with a higher sex drive have permission to have sex outside the marriage from the less-sexual spouse? I know this may be difficult but I suspect he may be straying. He would not talk or have anything to do with me or the kids. Don't be a doormat! fluencing him & not in a good way. Your husband doesn't want you to leave, and he probally will respect you soon as you give him something to respect, it shouldn't have to be that way, he should just be good to you because you are good, but some people need cleaning up so put your foot down and don't show him your tears put your chin up high and put your foot down and your boot in his rear and he'll straighten up, he might spend a few days out there but if he has a child from another marriage I'm sure he doesnt want to pay you child support too, trust me you have the upper upper hand on this one. He hated having to leave us & it was even harder on him when the girls were small. can this be worked out? For further assistance, get in touch with the following helpful organizations: Domestic Violence Support | The National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Domestic Violence Hotline | Family & Youth Services Bureau, Get Help | The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. If he doesn't want to do that then schedule an appointment for yourself. i don't b*tch or nag at him for anything. Put in your letter, the way you feel, the problems you see and that his behavior and lack of respect and concern for you are breaking your heart and if he cares about you and your marriage at all he will put aside his selfish desires and come home and have a heart to heart talk with his wife. It doesnt sound like you have even tried to talk to him. Would all Hell break lose? In a perverse, cyclical game of marital "Cat and Mouse", the emotionally unavailable husband runs away, the wife incessantly follows, causing the husband to run further and the wife to follow faster. But you have everything to gain by making a stand, by showing him the strong woman he once knew and fell in love with. I really doubt there's much you can do at this point to save the marriage--it sounds like it's probably too far gone. You will never be sorry that you did. Some guys don't know how to handle their emotions and when they find the one, they aren't sure what to do with that information. The sooner the better. God says that "life is not fair but I'm fair" and he promises to take care of you no matter your circumstances. Don't fall into the trap that just because you are nice and allow him to live his life that he will return the favor and be a great husband. If he is abusive to you or the children, they'll tell you just what to do and where to go for safety. You may be intimidated by the lack of finances without him home but this will be remedied in time, as well. You are priceless and precious and God did not intend for marriage to be this way. You push your partner away because it's how you've been taught to survive. forceful when he returns. You can and should be in a marriage that abounds with love, and not only for you, but for your children! And I may be way off base here, but be careful about his friend. 5 reasons he is pushing you away when he loves you (and what to do) If you really love him and want to save your relationship, I would try something like that. I love many of my friends dearly, but would not be married to them. I know your looking for excuses, but it's just to obvious. 10 Things To Do Immediately If You Feel Your Partner Pulling Away | But communication is very very important. People are making the choice not to have children more and more frequently. Some don't understand this but God has someone picked out for us and if we seek him we will find that speacial person, God loves us so much that he designed sex for husband and wife to share a unique bond with one another that we are not to share with anyone, when you sleep around you become bonded and bonded ect and why else would the divorce rate be so high. Thats Common. Just because society somehow wants it to be like that, it clearly doesnt work for most couples. I'm not here to waist my time so let me go so I can find someone that wants to spend time with me and my kids. YOU CAN DO IT! Move on for all your sakes!!! I hate to tell you this, but if he is getting other girls numbers and talking to them and telling them that he is divorced, that is cheating. You will know you have a good "fit" with the person if you come away from the first meeting feeling like they are an old friend or someone you've known forever. It takes time but it does work. however, telling him to shape up or ship out won't be easy. my husband isn't much of a talker when it comes to feelings, so i don't know what to think. It's something that you have to be ready to do. Even if your husband can't go, you should try to go so you can get the help and support you need during this time.