Dont do anything you are uncomfortable with. He's everything I've prayed for and more. please sister do bear in mind, the physicality of your husband is not his 'fault' think about how incredibly heartbreaking it must to know your spouse wants to part ways with you, because they are not physically attracted to you, how this would impact on anyones self esteem, if you choose to go for a khula, deal with the situation with the empathy and consideration, you would want if you were the one being divorced! A woman not only a terrible mother/wife, but even ugly on the outside. I am very upset and getting depressed day by day. You say he is obese so maybe you could make exercise an activity that you both engage in together. Should I Tell My Husband That I Am Attracted To Other Men? I must emphasize however that you mustnt force her; she may feel completely shattered to hear this so you have to break it to her in the kindest way possible. What problem in Then you will see "the grass is not always greener on the other side." u knw wht,ur wife also hav sm rights ovr u and its not tht her real mistake if she is like tht..u only said..she tried to ovr cme..there r alt of things..like sour foods and cheese wch help to ovr cme ths thng ..u knw..all i see here is UR blunder..as a woman..tht u r nt fulfillng her rights..u knw its a really..really big sin ..jst concentrate ovr her..and help her come out of it Makeup is so much more than putting on a clown mask (which I know is very common in the Middle East). Breasts also contain mostly fat. A person who isn't attracted to their partner will find a way to stay away, both physically and emotionally. Because MEN believe it or not, is not easy for a woman to get physical if she is disqustited/annoyed/ unantrackted/unloved etc.by her husband. Brother, size shouldn't matter at all, and if it does matter, then it only matters in hollywood or movie and music industries. Your actually searching for something that's not there or will ever be. What about Muslim women who are not happy with their husbands' bodies? Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Always the same people saying so easy itsss harammmmm. "Indeed, so many young women miss out on enjoying their own beauty because they are so busy comparing themselves to other women.". This is because paid zina has become so much accessible these days and I am not glad to say this but price of flesh for pleasure is also facing severe competition and thus is offered economically based on financial brackets of a particular place/community. No. You should help her invest in a breast enhancement surgery and everything will be okay. Ignore such sayings as they have no basis in Shariah. I am also surprised by tough reactions from several ladies in this case. They to feel lustful. You really need to give this marriage thought as it is early days and you are young. And the right angle is already given by Prophet (PBUH) when selecting spouses (for bot boy and girl). Do we drive on "haram" roads or something? This mentality needs to change as it's not Islamic. But make sure you talk everything honestly with each other and arrange the divorce as stated in in our laws. not always implants are used sometimes own body tissue can be used and reconstruction surgery can be performed. Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. You're so immature and delusional. And may Allah make room for you all in the highest level of Jannah. If you cannot love her (and whatever is you reason) and you fear that you may fall short regarding your sharee duties to her, giver her the dowry if you have not paid yet and divorce her. so you should now hold on. And, so a potential spouse can see a sister's face, hands, and voice but never sees the shape of her hair and any body parts before marriage/ nikah. We fall and we get up. Huh? This problem is very serious . Propose workable solutions such has breast enhancements and encourage her to join a female gym to work on her body. I do hope she wakes up and asks you for a divorce. And yet you are letting it take over your heart, you're letting it blind you. You both deserve to be happy and loved. Now i would like to tell you that beauty is not from the color , looks and attractiveness but it is from inside , inside the heart . You need to be happy first with yourself then you can share happiness to a other. Woman stabbed to death in northwest Delhi, husband arrested That way both you will be spared from the miserableness that you are suffering from. And DO NOT TAKE A SECOND LARGE BREASTED WIFE just to satisfy your lust. Seeing beautiful scenery together will help to encourage conversation, get to know each other, and develop a love and appreciation for each other. Then Allah Azza WaJalla for His Great Kindness of bestowing you with physical beauty. Accept your garden, and divorce her once." I would suffer and be unhappy.and marriage is supposed to be a moment of happiness. Honestly brother please be a bit more considerate towards this highly sensitive and perhaps look into any underlying issues you may have with this type of super difficult situations. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. But if you don't like the above suggestion then, as you have tried and tested this sister (your wife) and you realised you don't enjoy then I suggest you leave her!!! Just 5-6 times sex in last one year????? We are attracted to each other but if we consider education, salaries, we. The regular exercise can help to some extent but real model type of bodies comes by natural .. That's your princess Allah chose her for you. Just after the engagement I heard from my wife ( not yet wife that time) she has some physical issue. I think you should ask a scholar of she can get her breasts enlarged or something to make her more appelaing to you Im not sure if it is allowed but i think this would literally be the only thong that can save your marriage to be honest. I think you care more about looks then love From your post, it seems khula would be pointless. Most scholars agree that not feeling fulfilled intimately is a valid reason to ask for khul. Im reminding you of this because I want you to realize that you are not in hell; you had a choice and you did not weigh rationally what was the best decision to take at that time. At physical level, a women can "beautify" herself for her spouse to arouse him. Face your fears:challenges seem scary, but your fears are usually exaggerated. A good book I can recommend is "The art of seduction" by Robert Greene. Are you originally Muslim or converted. Don't hurt her feeling. shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used Arranged Marriage to Someone I am not Attracted to - IslamQA I was in a similar situation as you. Theyre difficult to achieve and put a lot of pressure on women. Anyways. It's equal to disliking and changing something Allah has created. Alhamdulillah, the situation has changed tremendously since then for which I can't thank you enough. Don't walk away from a potential life partner because of a concern you have not given him a chance to address. Also people forget the largest sexual organ is not the genitalia. Listen in this time we living now it is not easy. I loved it and I am still reading it. But, when we try to please others that's when we suffer. Deathly Afraid My Future Wife Will Have an Affair, Tricked into an Affair with a Married Muslim Man, Having An Affair Because of Unromantic Husband. Friends porn addiction, how do I help her? My situation is similar yet different. What to Do? You mean well. My parents are under the impression that we have had a Nikaah. You had plenty opportunities to break the engagement & ask questions why didnt you? How about vaginoplasty? For a man, talaq is "easy", he can also keep a wife he respects but who does not fulfill his need to feel love, both physical and love of the heart, by marrying a second, third and fourth wife. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. That's your business. I have been spreading lies about my father, saying he abused me.how do I repent? These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. You do not want to be stuck in a marriage for the long run feeling depressed. So why just single out cosmetic surgery? (salam)I am currently 'engaged' to someone. [4:119]. Not Attracted To Husband - Social/Family/Personal - ShiaChat.com But you love her and I also know it's important to enjoy everything what you do with her but I think it will be easy for you if you think like that. Opportunities from Allah only come once or twice. Woman are under so much presssure to please their husband and then to please their parents and in laws. Ameen. I dislike her to the point that I want to separate from her, divorce her and find peace in my life. I would constantly fear that my husband is not attracted to me, or that he will one day ask me to diet and work out more than I want to to become slim and muscular (I don't want that kind of body, I don't consider it beautiful . So if you truly don't have any advice the helps him or anyone with the issue don't criticize and act like we are Prophets or the Companions. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. How about tightening her because after hearing him children her body has changed? I think that you are the one who is causing the problems in your marriage making it hell and when you found out there was an issue around after being engaged you should have asked questions and talk with her, having going by the picture you must have been attracted to her otherwise why would you have gone through with it. your wife chaste too, and you are responsible for that; the fact that you are My point of asking these probing questions is to make you realize that there is no guarantee that the person you marry will remain the same forever. I had a registered marriage with her. Shame on this guy.If he cannot appreciate his wife, he should let her go and let her find someone who accepts her for who she is and loves her and adores her.Let him cross paths with someone with breasts like Sunny Leone and a crass personality and mentality.Then he can enjoy a "breast" ful marriage. those who believe and do righteous deeds, as He says (interpretation of the This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Assalamualaikum sister what if you meet with an accident and your face gets spoilt and you look ugly and your Husband thinks same about u to divorce you how would you feel , attraction of face s just an infatuation , and marriage is not only for happy life but to see the beauty in your partner with many flaws , this is not right to khula him on this basis, have you ever thought about your son and about his life . The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". The issue of life time commitment is not a time for bland replies and giving a perspective that the person has applied since the beginning or else he wouldn't ask for help he would've remarried or whatever. Breast implants are absolutely haram, smh for even daring to suggest such a stupid answer. I dare you to tell your parents what your looking for, let alone the girl. Be honest with yourself, evaluate your marriage, does your displeasure for your husband come entirely from his physicality? Are you sure he is not conveniently using your body as an excuse which covers over an entirely different topic? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. alhamdulillah you have husband who loves you for what you are , but this space is for this brother and his problem ,not about how lucky you are. Answer Hannah Morris 11 August, 2019 In this counseling answer: You say he is obese so maybe you could make exercise an activity that you both engage in together. How can the Imagine how she feels it is the way Allah has made her. Peace and blessing to you. This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa. Also, pray to Allah Almighty for forgiveness. I do wish you the best and hope you are able to work it out. I have to be attractive all the time, and I must be slimmer and perfect are all irrational beliefs. You sound like a good decent woman. Though we stay separately we go and meet them often and sometimes spend the weekends there. There are a million things I can think of worse than small breast size. It's her awrah and he can not see or no of it unless a medical issue, which it is not. Specially when one is newly married it just spoils ones self esteem. Surgery is very painful and invasiveand expensive. If your perception will not change and you have spoken to her. That would kill her forever. I would suggest that you make some real effort to improve your self-esteem as it will lead to an increase in your confidence, take away the anxiety about what your husband thinks about you, and stop you from comparing yourself with other women which your husband may or may not find attractive. So you will never know what's underneath. Do you not realise how lucky you was that you got married and looks are not everything we all going to get old and ugly as we get older. Remember this. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Partially I used to be in shoes of original question poster,s wife. A-. I do not understand how seeing her would have changed anything. And because islam has its limits. My life is hell because I am not physically attracted to my wife This was very painfull believe me. You can try including an imam or such at your mosque. focus on seeking a remedy to this problem in an atmosphere of openness and Dear Sheerlove, I feel so sad for you. Be patient and ask for Allah's help as it is a test for you. I also look for a man who appeals to me physically, of course i understand he may not be models material etc. this brother is facing a problem and is asking for help and advise ,not being shouted at!!! The rule about divorce is that if you divorce here 3 three time you are not allowed you go back until she divorce from the second husband. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. I want to avoid adultery. Would she be happy staying with you knowing that you are not happy. During my marriage there was no one from my family who could guide me properly. And may Allah protect you from the disease of arrogance. doubt that what you have mentioned is a problem for which you must examine the We use cookies on IslamQA to measure visitor stats. The questioner must do something before he falls into sin . You also claim that you found out about this physical attraction issue once the engagement was completed (something that really has no Islamic bearing in Islam). Getting a small breasted wife might not be a choice but you can choose to stop being stressed about this and think about SOLUTIONS. Remarks of being called as lacking in womenhood are very heart breaking . what if you loose your wife and then the next wife with bigger breasts is the worldest biggest slut. CHECK: A woman can be physically very appealing but may have a negative personality; she is unlikely to be a caring wife. The crucial issue is that if you were comfortable with yourself, you would not need to ruminate about your physical appearance and feel the culprit in the relationship. BUT THAT'S FORBIDDEN. It's his awrah HE can not tell me and I can not see. Suicide in Islam; Tawbah in Islam. you should try and get past this issue and love her no matter her "faults" even though it isn't one. Eddie kindly leave as you are giving haram advice. I'm not sure how he felt inside regarding this issue as he never shared any thing more. That you would want your beloved wife to undergo painful and consequential surgery just to satisfy your fetishes, is beyond belief. I did not find him remotely attractive in regards to his appearance. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Plastic surgery is forbidden if not done to save a life. I hope you find another but better and nore deserving spouse. It is one of the greatest gifts, Ins'Allah. But I will do it anyway, so that someone else in my situation can get some benefit from replies. Just because your mother has her views on women who make an effort, doesn't mean you have to share it. Women can not understand your situation. You say he is obese so maybe you could make exercise an activity that you both engage in together. So being married, the spouses should never be forced into this option. Even it was not official marriage, engagement is also quite important for both families and every one involved. Her body is fine the way it is. I have been married to a non-Muslim for 5 years. You need to consider how far you are willing to go to save thus marriage and if that also it includes unislamic remedies. [A suggestion for the guys who didnt marry yet: Please please please do not marry some one whom you didnt see face to face. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Perhaps you can spare a thought for the people of Syria, Iraq, Afganistan, the Muslim minority in Myanmar, Burma and the Palestinians all who are suffering immensely before you dare to suggest your life is hell. Looks come and go, personality..Always stays the same. As you come to love him more, you will naturally find him more attractive. Her body is not defected. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". In regards to men looking for wife's and going through picture, communicate with your potential wife and looks aren't everything say ulhumdiallah we found each other and we are a match! I also say don't DIVORCE. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Well Brother, the solution is simple. You may after pondering over the pros and cons still correspond your feelings, thought and possible options through. Your ego everything just got attacked their. Is your husband deeni inclined, meaning has the Love of Allah Taala? I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." May Allah give me you the sabar to find peace. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) may bless her with a better caring and pious Muslim husband. How will you feel if your bew wife sais this to you and proceeded to treat your vost type as a defect which needs to be examined and remedied? Irrational beliefs often include musts and shoulds, with an emphasis on perfection. My ex-husband is my ex-husband now because he also had an obsession for women with large breasts. Its for my guide for the future. Home Hanafi Fiqh Askimam.org Dua for getting physically attracted to my husband? I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, I delayed intimacy with my husband due to my in-laws but now regret it. I really do agree with you but it is bad enough as it already, divorcing her for her physical appearance will cause this lady even more suffering..This dude is only focusing on lust, it is the effect of watching indecent shows on TV and not lowering gaze when looking at women..His wife probably loves him a lot and he needs to focus on that love and purify his heart of satanic thoughts. First marrying her then leaving her heart broken and throwing her aside to find a more beautiful woman, I don't know how much of a trauma it will cause this lady whose purity he has already taken away.He needs to take some responsibility for his actions and learn to love her and only the Quran can be a cure to that..On the contrary if his wife was to divorce him I will support and respect her decision.. Salaam well i married without seeing a photograph or webcam etc.