I recently went through a similar dilemma-the incident where my coworker screamed and threw things occurred while our direct manager's position was vacant. Instead, share your concerns and ask for advice on how to handle the situation. Violent people usually are miserable. We just swap cars between dealers and make the deal. Somebody got the St Johns team on site (next building to the cafe where this happened) so we could go get her properly looked at, etc. It is affecting productivity objectively, not just in you. Pressuring a trauma survivor to ignore all their warning bells and give a potentially dangerous person another chance is not okay, and feels a lot like victim blaming. Sure, its nice to be recognized as a regular customer, but not this way. There are times you should absolutely ask and expect HR to help you out, but there are other times when going to HR may not be your best move. Not because sex differences and gender roles have no baggage, no implications, no history and no biological reality. I think I would have decided that I wasnt interested in paying that much to be treated badly by the sales guy, no matter what my budget was. Even afterwards, as we can see in OPs response below, he still doesnt understand how he upset them. I was mortified and immediately apologized for my outburst, explaining that Id thought I was alone and would absolutely not have done that if Id realized there was another person in the building. OP has had unfair things in life also, and I do not see OP making YOUR work day miserable.. If its to teach someone a lesson for annoying you, its time to reconsider. His people got between him and me and were literally pushing him back. Thinking Pete will suddenly start beating OP for approaching him about this is way off base. Of course, management may be inept and not do anything, but youll never know till you try. Honestly, I think its completely rational to feel threatened by this guy. I should also note, the OP doesnt know this guy; theyve only worked together for 3 months. All an unhappy customer has to do is get on the internet and tell an unlimited number of people about their godawful experience at Company. I laughed when I read about it in the news. Im a big believer that if youre yelling it work, it better be because someones life is in danger or you have to be heard over heavy machinery. The ability to behave in a non-violent manner in the workplace, towards those whose co-operation we need for our business to be successful and for us all to prosper, is a bottom-line minimal requirement as basic and almost as obvious as the general need to wear clothes. I cant count the number of times a saleslady told me they didnt have anything that would fit me. Oh, and OP is not the one who is endangering his employment. If people do wrong its on them. Whether you have issues with a co-worker or your boss, working in a toxic office setting is detrimental not only to your health and wellness, but your overall career. How on earth is it fair to expect from person B to go up and about to make sure not to hurt person A back and take responsibility for their behaviour by protecting them from the consequences of their own wrongdoing even at the cost of their own wellbeing? I left since they were so uninterested in me since I wasnt going to finance through them. Shutterstock I made the mistake of telling a few of my coworkers my true feelings about the company and its management. (since you said there were a few days before you were next scheduled to work together, so do you work alongside someone else at other times?). I told my manager and he didnt do anything. All youre saying about Pete is true he may have an off-day, he may be reacting to stressors we know nothing about, he may be feeling sheepish, or he may not realize the effect loud ranting can have, and may be a fast learner who feels mortified. Fire! Ironically, if you just say no and sit there, the bully is likely to weaken. He might want to assert his authority or wants you to be more obedient, or he might be insecure. I cant focus on work around that much anger. Hes in his thirties. For all any of us (including OP) knows this could be something he has a history of doing in all his jobs. I know shed want to know, and she called me within half an hour of me sending the email to address it. This isnt a hard and fast rule (otherwise the Karen stereotype wouldnt exist!) But if youve had past trauma, such as domestic abuse, then that may not think to do that, or could be scared to. 2. But he was my significant other, and had a ton of other redeeming qualities, and it was my CHOICE to continue to live with it and work with him on it. If you find yourself planning a corporate event, there are a few donts youll want to heed. Being at physical risk should never be the only aspect used to measure whether or not someone, or something, or some place, is safe for someone or not. To do so, you can acknowledge their request and then kindly reject it. She doesnt know if this is unusual or common behavior for him. But the combination of willful stupidity in his action and the prior connection with your manager makes me think that this is going to be rug-swept. Ive been in similar situations where my instincts told me I could safely glare the person down and others which told me to leave for my safety. Guess what? I have heard salesmen brag about staging tantrums to pressure customers. I had a coworker with a temper problem who was good friends with the person I shared an office with. I would definitely have reported it to the boss/HR, maybe even the police if he was hitting his surroundings! Does the technique ever work? But the truth is, with enough cause, people will support you and intervene to help you resolve the situation in order to protect the company. However, generally, here are 13 things your boss can't legally do: Ask prohibited questions on job applications. He was super aggressive and messed up our paperwork in three different ways that we only discovered later because of legal stuff we had to deal with. Even for the most enlightened among us, the reflexive response to rudeness will be to retaliate with the same. So, what would that sound like, specifically?. Pete is going to drive away customers, quite on top of all of the other legitimate concerns that you have. Learn and adapt - to a point. Trauma makes people react in different ways, but the freeze/become invisible/submit to avoid getting the rage/harm directed at you reaction is hella common. She counseled me. Id disagree with this. One client has already walked out the door, and is not likely to return. No. Every person, male or female, starts out little, easily frustrated, and with nearly no built-in coping skills. OP doesnt need to put herself in harms way in any manner and disregard her own safety, physical or emotional, just to cut someone some slack. Again: Im not here to vent or blame. Your company spends time and money creating handbooks and professional policies to follow. My manager may have encouraged or assigned close, collaborative work for us to do together that Id no longer be comfortable doing. If Pete had a bad day thats tough. It is not wrong for OP to feel uncomfortable around Pete now. Im going to have an unpopular opinion here, I believe. I was also nervous about boss talking to Pete and then you having to continue to work alone with him. He didnt think about the consequences this might have despite those being quite obvious. Alexandra Franzen Updated 6/18/2020 "So, how are things going at the office?" I asked my dinner companion, a longtime business veteran who manages a small team. He didnt consider the feelings of his coworker even one bit. Manager may will be biased toward Pete. When To Go To HR About A Coworker - 11 Must Situations - The Balance Work $400 should cover it because I dont mind group classes WHAT, NO? Unless youve continued to feel unsafe in Petes presence, it probably can wait until shes back at work, but at that point you should let her know what happened and that he was so out of control that you had to retreat to a back room and stay there until you could leave for the day. Hubby really wanted THAT car. Boss Level | Parents' Guide & Movie Review | Kids-In-Mind.com We have several days of not working together between the incident and the next day we were both on the schedule, and my boss is back too. Its only wise if you have some clue it is a safe situation; they arent always. LWs expectation of Pete to behave like a sane adult and own up if they dont is reasonable. Here are four steps Engle says you can take to have a productive talk with your boss about a toxic co-worker. As for any of the other reasons? When he objected to electronic signing, they said No problem and printed off hard copies. Feeling emotionally unsafe, with or without any history of trauma, is a reason just as valid. I would actually also make a point of the fact that he was getting snotty with the customer, and that it may have been a factor in the customers leaving without a purchase, and might influence the customer to not come back at all. how can I avoid talking shop outside of work. It wasnt time for a polite Excuse me please? It was urgent and important. She talked to both of us that night (a friday) and touched base that she understood her absence was causing lots of pressure and stress on us, and that she would definitely be back to work the following Monday. Just consider, and I may be wrong, whether he has not exactly apologized etc in order to smooth things over and deal with this incident, and agreed about keeping tempers in check etc just to see off your managers immediate concerns rather than being truly more conscious about his behaviour going forward. By not reporting it, youre enabling the person to continue their pattern of behavior, which can slow the work progress of the whole team. Do you need to not be alone with Pete? 4 steps to speak with your boss about a toxic co-worker - CNBC But if you can avoid making an argument based on gender and body size in the workplaceand make an equally strong argument based on universalsits excellent practice to do so. Nearly four years ago . At the end of the day, know why youre reporting. Your expectations here make no sense. Parents say Not yet rated Add rating. Option 1) Address it calmly with Pete now that he has settled down. Trouble at the office: When to go to HR, and when not R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me is another. I just want to sign the papers and get out of here. Question 2: What should you say? How To Deal With A Rude Boss - 25 Ways To Follow - The Balance Work Conspicuous in the letter is the statement that Pete claims great respect for the manager. I went to one of the back rooms as soon as he started yelling and just tried to focus on my own work, but there arent any doors between us and I could still hear him loudly yelling angry things at himself, or no one. I wont go into details here but lets just say Ive been finely attuned to situations that are likely to escalate from the age of about 7 or 8 before I even really had the language about it (and probably subconsciously before that) and the little signals that go with that.