At once i thought i had forgiven him, since than we never had sex coz i dont feel intimidated by him anymore the pain takes control over me. I also am a annihilated spouse. He got very angry that I was ready to throw in the towel, I know laughable. I am confused and need to know what to do now. I think anger is normal, as well as sadness. I know this was a year ago, but out of curiosity did you stay with him and did he cheat on you again?? Sit him down, take his hands in yours and look him straight in the eye. I wonder, though, what it is you might need from your husband to help you with that healing. Last Friday evening, I came home from work and he was car washing his car with our 7 year old. I told my husband that maybe I should go out and sew my wild oats like he did for 26 months with 2 girls.and he said do whatever it takes for me to heal. I finally calmed down and started to fall asleep. After he went on another trip with her without informing me, I kicked him out of the house. }); WOW! After being confronted he said he just needed a relief or release from the realities of life and what was the big damn deal everyone is doing it. Come to find out it was a 3 year affair. Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it is what I believe, therefore I cant open myself to a true reconciliation until we have a better understanding. But, I need him to man up and admit what he did was wrong and a ****ty thing to do to a wife of 34 years. We parted, somewhat amicably, because she wasnt ready to give up the affair and I was no where near ready to forgive it or to live oblivious to her actions. TOTAL DYSFUNCTION and TOXIC garbage, I just dont get why people tolerate so much? Just a few thoughts/questions . If you love someone, you stick it out even when it gets bad. If you know her friends and she suddenly has anew group of friendsthat she's spending time with, but you're never invited to meet them, they could be in the friend group of her new beau or shes making excuses to spend time with her new partner. He assures me that everything is going to be fine and gave me all his time in the world begging for my attention, but to only find i regretted being with him i told him I forgave him but in the back of mind Im disgusted by him and cant let go its been over six months now and I cant forgive fully only to cause more problems while 7 months pregnant idk what to do, Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. Anything to give him a reason to fight and leave. Cathy I am reeling too and can relate to your story. Will I ever get past it or will I be better off to let go. They are sometimes hard to say, because pausing to understand can sometimes feel like giving in. It's a sign that your girlfriend has lost faith and hope in your relationship. Why do I feel like he's cheating on me? Its still very fresh for you- as is mine. I guess they all ran leaving him tied there bleeding. It was one of the most horrible days of my life I felt like I was crying from the core. Hes a really hard working man and would work evenings and weekends so that we can have the nice things in life but in January he started suffering with depression I probably wasnt as understanding as I should have been because I didnt really like him working late but he was also having a drink after and drinking and driving so I would be cross with him anyway things got bad and at the beginning of March he went to stay with his mum for a week to give us a break it didnt make things better he was just drinking even more he had been to the doctors and been put on anti depression tables but wouldnt let me go to the doctors with him after the worse week of my life we decided to have a weekend away together and it really worked he can home and I felt happy that I hadnt lost him but he was spending a lot of time on his phone I questioned him and he told me to check it so I did and thats when I found out he had been talking to an ex!All messages deleted so I could see what had been said, He said she was suffering depression and that she had just been a friend as he said he had no one else to talk to.i felt so hurt he had been going round there in the week he was staying at his mums he promised nothing had happened that it had come close but he bottled it and left. I dont know how to move past this. He says he was too drunk and blacked out. He never takes accountability for anything. Obviously there were problems that were already there or the person would not have gone out looking to have an affair to begin with. /& not to call anymore ! Reply Looking for brettney black Ford please call Kevin at motel6 in pueblo Colorado rm #229 October 12, 2022 Hey, I can't find this song. I want the pain to stop. How are your feeling? Im always feeling Im loved more and as a couple we are more open in all our long few decades or so and we needed no third wheel in our 24 ( his work only friend ) as that would be the deal breaker if I ever knew of or found out he talked to her ever ? I could and will NEVER hurt my babies. What do I do? well then i still didnt trust him. Can she get passed his having a enotionsl affair. If you're convinced that she's cheating, you'll need to address it in a way that produces honest answers. Weve been together for 17 years, 3 years engaged. I suffer with several conditions that is stress related, it has affected my heart, degistve system and my muscular and sketal system and now I am on chemotherapy to suppress my immune system and I am also below my recommended weight I am also caring for his two children 7and 8 from a previous marriage that had been on and off since the children were babies he also remarried another women in his country Iraq after her wich ended sadly due to cultural reasons he new her 3 months and still is sad about the break he thought the world of her my oppinion she wasnt that great looking but to him she was he blocks it out and hates talking about oh yes Im in 1 of those twisted relationshipsi entered into very young and naive and still am. She resigned. Wtf! i actually lost it and hit her. He had affairs with two different women, one for 4 years and he ended that when starting a new affair in December 2020. He should feel very lucky that I have forgiven him. I found out that she was not over her ex and they still see each other whenever i travel for contract jobs overseas. My leg was broken that morning and he tells me lock him out to be hurt by my country club snob friends again he would lay me in a grave the next time. After I talked with her he finally did come clean that it was a full blown affair. It was the reason to fix my marriage give us a whole new life and kids would have their Dadddy. Oh really now you MF?! We moved to Indonesia with lots of promises of a renewed family life. I know he had feeling for this women. Now a year has passed since the affair, I have made some improvements to help myself feel better with more confidence, likeI dress up a lot more, started working out, looking better. That he had to give it a final chance and it may not work. First he said If we had not paid him back the couple would be staying not him, So It was his money and he had already earned it and his father could get in line for an a** kicking right after me if I did not live up to my promise when we got back. I feel truly broken. I rarely got mad or yelled at him, even though we would get angry and argue it had always been respectfulno name-calling, personal insults, etc. What he doesnt get is not everyone thinks like he does. Did they have contact going ( friends before ) you and she began living together as your fianc? Nope, I am out. My husband started changing his behavior and although we had nasty arguments we still did everything together until one day he stopped and didnt want to go with me to wash clothes. 5 Ways to Stop an Argument in Less Than a Minute - MentalHelp.net I love my husband dearly but I love myself more. I admit what I did was wrong, a total betrayal of my wives trust. I was able to log into his email and read the entire thing. He felt like something bad was going to happen to him. Hi Gem, I could be wrong, but it sounds like your husband wants out of the marriage, but is a coward and cant bring himself to end it. I think it is fear plus an acceptance that you think you must not be good enough to deserve better. I told him we still have another year until the lease is up. Build up your self esteem and take care of yourself. There's one particular person in our social circle (50ishF) and I just can't shake the feeling that he's cheating on me, with her. He seems a lot happier. Or here in nz we still diddnt not no each other every well it takes years to really no a person then a year later we received his to children due to their mother going of the rails these poor children were abused since early childhood. He could not even be allowed that ever because to many with church, children and affairs of the heart could have the normal shutdown between Christmas Eve and New years. I told my husband he could not do this. and why do i want sex now so much? Although your husbands actions created this situation, his actions alone wont necessarily change it. I was not expecting it to turn into a trap. H4e had told me the number was 911 go ahead embarrass my self by reporting him to the sheriff for sexual misconduct, he said I would need a rape kit done so dont clean up and dont pick up for crime scene photos He said have fun getting money out of frozen accounts The would take his retirement and SSI from him and pay the state He hoped I liked having nothing coming in. He even used the backsated child benefit money to take women to reataurants lol Please someone help! Finding an item of clothing, hair, or makeup in your partner's car or home. So now you need to ask some important questions. But Im stupid for staying with someone who would leave their wife to begin with Without trust you have nothing to build upon. First it was his motorcycle trailers as he spent a lot of time at my house. Ive been with my husband 14 years 2 years ago he began to act different and found that he was hanging very close with a female co worker he never would fully Amit to the infidelity All he said was that he thought about sleeping with her and any information I got was from my own investigation after months of fighting he never admit so I finally tried to let it go because I loved him now 2 years later I still am angry inside as much as I love him a part of me finds him annoying and quit bored with the whole relationship if it was not for the kids I think Id probably be cheating or just moved on by now. Do you feel more jealous when shes being emotionally distant? My story might help you understand better, why you feel the way you do: Before my Hs affair, I believed in God and he blamed God for all of his problems. Can't shake the feeling my husband is hiding something : Marriage - Reddit Im considering this course of action but have heard mixed results- short-term satisfaction with long term regrets. Can you heal with moving on (some may say ) as others may say for them it's a major 'deal breaker' in your relationship or time to take a break or breather because you both live together already ? AND WHAT GOD PUT TOGETHER MAN SHALL NOT TEAR APART! I want to see him suffer as he made me suffer, I want the world to know what he has done to me and for his family to see him for what he is and not this perfect husband. The hardest part is he isnt being completely honest about what happened and that makes me wonder more and makes me angrier. He had been talking to her for months before I caught on; and when I confronted him he lied. I was begging that he was now retired. Ive felt hes being cheating on me since the beginning he said to me when he was drunk hes been trying to find a woman like me but has never found 1. hmm during relationship or after I didnt get that part yet and drinks a lot hes now crossed the line and brought my brothers girlfriend up while were having sex I feel hes not attracted to me he wants another women with the same personality traits kind and humble he blames his encounters on me neglecting him Ive just had two babies sand havent had time to focus on myself he doesnt go out as much as he use 2. he does come home late sometimes and has a 7 series BMW which attracts a lot of attention he lies and hides things and saves all his money to himself occasionally he would take me out but not often he says he loves me but this doesnt feel like love I am the type to hope for a fairytale family but Im confused because I cant live like this I need your opinion. It was incredibly helpful in not only sorting through the emotions but exactly where each though was connected to that emotion . #9 You are doing the right thing already by reaching out to someone neutral whom can give you a very honest opinion as well as this is why you say at the moment Lost Soul in your life you need to be feeling secure in your life and your fianc needs to also stay focused on you and you only with her future with you as her male partner and future husband if she's in LOVE with you only and your her #1Guy in her life going forward ? It's just . He continually lied about aspects of their relationship. It is a strong indication that she knows she was wrong and is remorseful. Stay strong, stay true to yourself n do what is best for you n your baby. Im hoping Pat that I will feel like that very soon as I cannot continue with the anger and hurt, it has made me so ill. We are not together anymore but it still hurts because like you all the years we were together 23. And he seems to not understand that he doubling betrayed me by sneaking around with my low life cousin. So it's a good time to start collecting information BEFORE you confront them directly," she says. He is in a 12 step porn sexual addiction group to counsel him. When she's not busy watching the latest true crime docuseries, you can find her strolling through Sephora, thrifting the perfect dress, or jogging with her pup. If youre unhappy why not just get a divorce? Dont let sex be the glue that binds you together. So I get out my car go to his, I see this girl (possibly prostitute) down on him. Im sorry alone rarely makes us feel better. or am i paranoid ? Just trying to get others opionions for my own sake. He joined 5 dating sites for married extramarital affairs. I dont think he will admit to the sex. Now my little girl is 1 and i am looking for a well paid job so i never have to ask him for anything n he will never be in a position to blackmail me. The only person who made me feel whole and beautiful and could always take any of my pain away. No one truly understands what a person goes through unless you have experienced it yourself and life never prepares you for the destruction lies and betrayal causeS. For more information, please read our. Many and much never went beyond fantasy long story letters. My spouse is still lying about itYear 6. He repeatedly told me I was nuts and I deserved a man who would cheat. I look at him with disquest in one moment and in another I cant picture my life withou him. i was devastated and almost had a heart attack.. and im 3 months pregnant. Another thing to steer clear of, according to Dr. Moffit and Dr. Montgomery, is breaking into his phone, as this act is a violation of their privacy. I dont know if I even love him anymore but theres still something there. Often, when we have been hurt, we need to feel that the other person truly understands the pain we are experiencing and gets how serious the emotional pain and betrayal really are. His attitude towards me was nothing more than hate and resentment which he also showed our kids. Maybe hes not truly sorry for his actions that hurt you. Please dont comment on this just to say hurtful things. Hes been involved with her for 6+ years? am i wrong to want to tell him how i feel and what he has done to me and to us? I was so angry after I found out that my wife had cheated on me. My husband said they whipped him until his mind had the good sense to shut down. He could have had a very nice life, Maybe not the way he wanted but just as nice starting in January 1988. we did not see a single time from May 1985 to July 2015 where he was going to even try a negotiated peace with us That we could all meet him in four hours and try to come to some understanding as to how we were going to start including him. Apparently he had been conversing with his ex gf/sex buddy who lived across the state for 2 years. I kept telling myself that if he stopped drinking that it would get better. So I have decided not go full out and divorce him but he wont talk to me and we never talk since the affair revelation. My husband had an affair with someone who came into my home with his brother on the pretense she was his girlfriend.. My husband cheated on me when I found out I was very very angry and so I left the house foe 3 days had an affair with my ex boyfriend and after that I felt much better for me is the only way to forgive only given him a taste of his own medicine. and she said the nicest voice on the other end answered and said she was her sons fianc, that my now husband was on duty that night. Passionate, good sex, like never before. He says it happened once in the first place he had the trailer. Didnt think anything of it. I had many babies and we had created a beautifully balanced sham of a life. Save your elf. I have been struggling big time and he isnt being very kind. He Had used his army pay to by a car the last week, and drove home and was Climbing out when one of the men waiting caught him under his chin with a golf driver, He woke up next to the lake tied to a tree His father was demanding he say he was sorry, to avoid the worst of what was coming, My Husband tried kicking him and said drop dead, They started whipping him with extension cord. No lighting. Sex addiction, personal insecurity, and payback are just some of the reasons both men and women have . My life. Idk what I should do cos I never did anything to him I always treated him with respect and all. Your husband broke your trust. Usual excuses. CHEATING IS WRONG CHEATING IS EVIL why be married if you want to keep CHEATING? HeTexted - All rights reserved by Algra L.L.C. It was already dark around 7:15PMish. Its been 2.5 years since my boyfriend who I loved, adored and was head over heels for, cheated on me with my best friend. I cant get what I seen out of my head it keeps replaying. I know he saw my headlights but didnt think it would be me. Many years ago I married a man who was a compulsive liar and only learned later that virtually everything he'd told me about. I woke up at 2:30 AM to find him gone. We have been together for 15 years and married for 6. I do my best to care for them aswel as my daughter I feel like a solo mother of 4 I do everything home work bathing cook clean headlice but my partner still continues to hang around other women he says he has never had sex with these women he just cant do it to me that he loves me I have no proof but hes the only 1 telling me off these accounts or women for him there like friends but hes always cutting it off and a new women will appear in his stories I have people I can ask but I dont want them to think Im stupid if I dont find anything, or tell him coz he will get angry. My husband is 45. The wound that was barely healing has now reopened. Thanks in advance if you reply and good luck! around 30-40% of Americans cheat on their partners? I am going through this right now. please i need some advice. She told me about a week ago now that I can say all the right things and do all the right things, that I can be 100% perfect and it wont matter. On another note I will say this. I was mad and woke my husband up and ask what question a girl needed to ask him at 6am. Don't use sex to try to fix your relationship with your girlfriend. I began to come late to work and my performance went downhill from there. Disgusting. I cannot see myself going through a next time. Also, you get to be the forgiving spouse, and he is stuck being the one who did you wrong. Thats not a fun role to play no matter how deserved it might be. im loosing weight .. im pregnant.. this is not healthy physically and mentally for me and the baby. All rights reserved. Even then, I only got the full story in dribs and drabs. He refuses to admit to the affair. This is an important step so that you can get to the heart of her possible infidelity and decide to work onforgivingher and rebuilding the relationship or ending it. The person that had been your best friend and always had your back was now stabbing you in it. My husband cheated on me for 2 months ( I moved 2 month earlier than he did and in these 2 month it happened) when he finally came he told me about it but told me in the same way that its 50/50 that he stays with us ( we are 5 years married and have a 3 year old girl together) and its going on since 1,5 months but he still has daily contact with that girl and told me he will not break the contact up. Be good to yourself. In 2009 he developed MRSA in his spine that fall. He treated me great and when he met my boys, he was incredible with them. I will be praying for you and especially for HIM. A couple weeks later a caught him texting with her about she was so pissed off because he was supposed to come over and he knew she wanted to be with him, blah, blah, blah. how do i get over my husbands cheating if i also cant get away from the other woman?? that we now had all the time in the world for things to be made right it did not have to be that second since I had other plans, 30 minutes latter I was crying and sobbing starring at the cordless phone with his last words ringing in my ears while he went and tried to murder his fathers best friend by landing him in his fathers lap through his fathers windshield. Sending you my very best! We just renewed the lease last month and we cant break it. The flower finding was a few months after my father passed away I was completely devastated and had also lost my job of 20 years (no support from him) then I cheated he found out and now I am the worst person in the world even though my Affair meant absolutely nothing it was totally out of spite and I no longer talk to the person. .footnote_tooltip { font-size: 13px !important; color: #000000 !important; background-color: #ffffff !important; border-width: 1px !important; border-style: solid !important; border-color: #cccc99 !important; -webkit-box-shadow: 2px 2px 11px #666666; -moz-box-shadow: 2px 2px 11px #666666; box-shadow: 2px 2px 11px #666666; max-width: 450px !important;} Howd he respond? I figured it all out while he was at work one day when trying to take care of our cell phone contract. My anger, hurt and void has not been replaced with new and happy memories. What we feel often comes from the meaning we make of an event. Or lack of self-worth? I just wanted a husband that had some compassion for others. Without thinking, I was at work and prank called my exes. Jealousy in a relationship stirs up a host of painful feelings: fear, humiliation, sadness, mistrust, and various other hurtful emotions. I am trying to forgive him but he is a sensible intelligent man so none of his excuses wash he must have made an intelligent informed choice to do what he did, and keep doing it again and again. after that i talked to him and he promised they would stop talking. After showing him, he smashed each phone with a hammer so I couldnt check texts and emails. Id give anything to hear an apology. I would say to anyone here who is young and has options, if your husband cheated, run like the wind! Now, it seems like the only thing she's dropping is you and her typical day to day life has changed. I want to kill him I want to kill her. This isnt right? HA! I know what you mean though about looking at him and being disgusted and thinking why didnt you just leave me instead of dragging me along making me believe you were a changed man and that you were loyal, as I was to you??? The Top Signs You're Dealing With a Narcissist, According to - SELF Any person who has been on the brunt of this would think of leaving or eyes would wonder. She knew about our sex life, money issues, that i lost a few jobs and the exact date that my husband went to a lawyer to divorce me(he cancelled the divorce). shifts, holidays he wanted, weekends and nobody could ever convince him to let people with greater needs have the spring summer and early fall vacations and Take the weeks after the holiday shut down week.