As a young woman who has been a victim of sexual abuse, harassment, and even just simple teasing because of my gender, I am much more easily offended than some when it comes to anything surrounding these topics, because of deep-rooted emotional pain. In advance, you might not have imagined that what you did would be perceived anywhere as inimically as it was. This is not to be confused with mental health which is a persons ability to focus, concentrate, think clearly, and perform cognitive tasks. They have no room for other peoples thoughts and beliefs. For you'll be driven to take offense at whateveror whoeverappears responsible for your immediate distress. This is the reason they become emotionally isolated. Its amazing how comforting ice cream or beer can be, for a few minutes, after being dumped by our girlfriend or boyfriend. If someone does or says something that contradicts what we believe, it causes us discomfort as we attempt to integrate this new information into what we hold to be true.. When we numb our feelings, they are still there after we finish numbing. And it will also explain why some people are especially likely to feel offended in situations where no hurt or harm was intended. When someone comes out and says something that directly contradicts my views, I inherently want to tell them that they are wrong. Despite its potential benefits, family estrangement continues to be stigmatized. But in doing so, the subconscious brain also looks for patterns and meaning behind the information based on what it has already learnt. This will only escalate the situation and make things worse. Since we can learn to control our thoughts, why not assume that the comment was not meant to be offensive. Close your eyes and picture a car. People who are easily offended may also struggle with anxiety and a need to control their version of the world. Do you understand where they are coming from? To use an example, if a person is trying to go about life with a broken leg, things that would be of no issue to an uninjured person become immensely painful. If ever we feel shamed, judged, degraded, or neglected, its an attack on our value, as a human, which means were not worthy of love. I wish it was that simple. This is where the power of examples works in your favor, I always try to give folks 3 alternatives. Those needs are met by others (how others treat us). For example, "There's nothing wrong . Share. You: Emotions are part of what makes us human. Choose, rather than trying to bring others into your suffering, to act in an empowering way that will alleviate some of your pain. When you feel offended by something, it means you feel hurt or angry. If we give them the same compassion instead of avoiding them, then we will understand that it is not personal and they have their own work to do. People are often particularly sensitive to what they presume as criticism, abuse, or neglect. Heres a simple model: Situation > Thought > Feeling > Behavior. The first factor that leads to people feeling offended is that an awful lot of people are already hurt, in an emotional sense. Option #1: Contradict the offended person, tell them why they're wrong, generally invalidate their feelings. Often, the offense is created as a result of poor communication or misunderstanding so stating what you want and how you want to be communicated with is a much more resourceful state to be in. And if so, you might even glare at themmaking them wonder what in the world is going on with you. We all know that society is polarized by politics and differing worldviews. Mary could say Mom I have a life outside of you and am not on call or You are really needy and have to get some hobbies but neither statement would help her situation, even if they are true statements. But as an Asian-American woman, I was highly offended and annoyed by it, and simply groaned, Hi and walked away. Our nation has become a society of people that gets so easily upset at the drop of a hat. Here, you can argue with and fight me all day and I. Have you ever thought, you make me so annoyed, or his actions are making me upset? You might be surprised to hear this: People dont make us feel a certain way. Often those who are easily offended have not worked on themselves and their own happiness. Most people assume it all works the same. How to Be Less Easily Offended - X-Team Language is used to help us code and recode information, giving meaning to our perspective on the world. Emotional pain (or health) is rooted in our ability to give and receive love, connection, and belonging. They never learned to control their emotions. Little did he know about my past lived experiences. Along these lines, it can also be a form of projection, which is a psychological defense mechanism we all use at some point to tolerate our negative attributes. All my thoughts were about questioning myself why do I feel offended so easily? Tracking Happiness helps you understand 100% of your happiness and get in control. ), 9 Ways to Deal with Feeling Empty (With Examples), 11 Signs Someone Has a Lack of Self-Awareness (With Examples), Achieving Happiness Despite Autism & OSDD With Self-Understanding and Meditation, From Rock-Bottom to Slowly Turning My Life Around And Finding Happiness, Navigating Depression and Anxiety By Finding The Right Therapist and Books. Option #1: Contradict the offended person, tell them why they're wrong, generally invalidate their feelings. Now, remember, Im not saying its easy to not get offended by these things. Mostly these stories come from our past experiences. Whilst we all use the same words sometimes loosely and interchangeably, every word has a different implied meaning for each of us based on our outlook on the world. Its common these days to blame people for being over-sensitive. Something went wrong. These ironclad views or rules can lead to disappointment, anger, frustration, resentment, and guilt when they are not followed. How to Reconcile With an Estranged Family Member, 3 Ways to Build an Unbreakable Bond With Your Child, Stand Up Straight, Your Neurons Are Watching, The Hard Problems of Consciousness and Psychology, How to Support Those Whove Chosen Family Estrangement, 5 Subtle Signs of Unprocessed Attachment Trauma, Why Life Can Feel Harder in Your 30s and 40s, The Debate Over Whether Dissociative Identity Disorder Is "Real". So there are 2 ways to handle this at least. They are used to being in control of things in their lives. Practice self-awareness: Take time to reflect on why certain things trigger a negative response in you. This puts us into what John Gottman calls Negative Sentiment Override. When we are in Positive Sentiment Override, we assume that other people have positive or neutral intentions behind their behaviors. It reveals the emotional tender areas that need to be . Not a good option, but an option. Its important to realize that not everyone is out to offend you. This will happen whether we intentionally do it or not. When someone judges us and/or offers any type of criticism, our initial reaction is going to be an emotional one. Option #2: Rebut the offensiveness of the statement. When we feel inadequate. We judge someone else for not being able to control themselves when we are not in control. By the way: Do you want to be on top of your mental health? All your brain knows is, Im in pain so do something about it immediately! All this week, the Daily Tip will provide strategies for communicating when people are offended (even if that person is yourself), but for now, just keep in mind that: Tomorrows Daily Tip will discuss three things not to do when dealing with someone who has taken offense to something we said. At that moment, you will rarely be your best self. The most ideal communication style is assertive. One of the keys to difficult conversation is to not attempt to match the volume and tone of the offended. What can words do? It is often the most judgmental people that get offended the most easily. Focus on the positives: Instead of dwelling on negative experiences, focus on the positive aspects of your life and the things you are grateful for. Before I came to this realization, I was easily offended when I perceived what other people did as slights, as commentary on my worth. Many of these patterns of behavior are auto-pilot responses we often dont realize weve reacted in a certain way until its too late. People who get easily offended, if you research a little deeper, you will find that they have gone through any trauma, abandonment, and negligence. 1. Once I realized that, in most cases, what others do has little or nothing to do with me, I was able to let go of being affected by others actions. PDF: Our 10-point mental health cheat sheet. Why are you, and others, easily offended? This helps explain why someone really smart can behave so destructively. So, for instance, if because of others' past criticism you've long been painfully self-conscious about your weight and, in bantering with a friend, they innocently crack a joke about an obese person walking by (e.g., "I bet she never met a bakery she didn't like! So sorry to hear your situation. Instead of telling this friend to go stick it where the sun doesnt shine, I decided to listen. We must let go of what we cannot control in order to be truly happy. Whether or not dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is "real" is a much-debated question. By not getting offended so easily, you minimize your own stress levels and open yourself up to the world of personal growth. and that unwarranted attack hurt, irritated, or incensed you, you could feel compelled to react as thoughagainyou were falsely accused. [1] If you're not sure whether or not you really are easily offended, take this test for a quick answer. In the extreme, hypersensitivity can rob people of their happiness. Its a destructive cycle and just to feel normalized people will look for something to be offended about. Following are a few more reasons, why people get offended easily: People who are easily offended have an abnormal desire for control and actually suffer from anxiety. How about what you were allowed to do? Whatever you decide to do, you'll be able to respond with integrity. The rise of social media and being able to speak, type, and or video our thoughts, means that we have the ability to speak to others without actually seeing their faces. They typically have not learned how to get their needs met assertively and often respond in a passive aggressive manner. Imagine what life was like before the internet, before media, what were people busy doing? I am responsible for my own happiness and can find it within myself. It is as if they are standing up for themselves in a way they were not previously able to do at the time the pain was originally inflicted. Im saying that you need to recognize that they are giving you feedback with the hope that youll take it into consideration and change your behavior. That is fine mom is entitled to her opinion, it is not your obligation to accommodate it. Physical therapist, writer, and outdoor enthusiast from Arizona. If we can be differentiated, we can tolerate the thoughts and feelings from others that may be offensive, but rather let them be a reflection of the person saying it, rather than taking it personally and making it about us. Add a little distance between your identity and your opinions and will be hurt less. (e.g., see Bill Apablasa, "Stop . All you have to do is start talking politics with a friend or family member who doesnt hold the same opinion as you to see this in action. Try to understand why they are upset and what you can do to help resolve the situation. It is because people often make assumptions that are not based on facts, or have expectations that are not reasonable or realistic. Logic and emotion are inversely related; as one goes up, the other goes down. Im sure you can recall a time when you said something and you knew the second that it came out of your mouth you regretted it. Two of those needs stem from empathy (or emotional energy) and esteem (or self-consciousness). For example, you may quickly conclude that your friend does not like you because they did not respond to your texts. In modern society, we find ourselves increasingly entrenched with others who share our beliefs and demonize those who dont.. These negative feelings and emotions are often caused by a word, action, or statement that conflicts with our expectations and what we believe to be the right behavior, in a moral and acceptable sense. be judging, teasing or making fun of you. From an outsiders perspective, a person might think theres nothing offensive about that and they might think he was simply being friendly by saying hello. Posted October 13, 2021 Be aware of your tone and body language: How you say something can be just as important as what you say. It could also be that a person is easily offended at minor things, as opposed to big events. They think everyone should always be nice and are not used to being criticized. A deep dive into individual and societal values reveals another reason for this. I am talking about the people always are actively searching for things to find offensive. This article will teach you how to turn down the volume on your instinctive offended reaction so you can grow as an individual and in your relationships. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. They struggle to accept that one person can have completely different beliefs and perspectives than another, and when confronted with that reality, they feel hurt and offended. Seek to understand: Try to understand the persons perspective and why they are easily offended. 5. Thinking errors are ways that our mind convinces us of something that isnt really true. I really started working hard on this when I got sober and divorced at age 50. Answer (1 of 28): 3 words Confidence Experience Maturity Confidence I know who I am and what've I've achieved and what I'm capable of doing. The dominant needs for both empathy and esteem fall into the higher spectrum. Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Founder, Adens Mom. Why Are Some LGBT People So Easily Offended? : r/asktransgender - Reddit So given a situation today that internally feels analogous to the traumatizing one, you can't help but be more offended. People who fall into this category often offend easily as they are sensitive to the feelings of others, themselves, or an overall view of injustice. Something that deeply affected youmaybe scared, terrified, or shamed you. The worst comic I've ever seen live just stood up there for 20 minutes screaming about as many offensive things as he could, including raping teens, murder, fat people, gay people, minorities, etc.. Just a laundry list of insulting stuff. Hence, being offended makes them feel happy. They are typically most critical, easily offended, and sometimes violently opposed to those that think differently. The easily offended are often unhappy, frequently complaining and assuming malicious intent instead of accumulating the facts. Or maybe you acted in a way that offended someone and had absolutely zero clue that what you were doing was offensive until they told you later. The physical reaction is to feel offended, upset, or angry. Realize that it's better to focus on your own failings and how best to ameliorate them than to self-defensively redirect your attention to the flaws of others. Whereas someone with high self-esteem would be able to hear the same comment and either consider the source and not take it personally or consider the source and take the comment as constructive feedback. Either way, a good way to handle an offensive comment is to briefly imagine that the offender is your psychotherapy patient. People with unprocessed attachment trauma often report similar behaviors or psychological symptoms that affect the quality of their adult lives. If someone offends you, ask yourself if you are overreacting or being triggered by personal issues. Negativity starts to become more normalized than positivity. Marys mom may start calling her at work if she feels the need, leaves multiple messages on her voicemail, or sends her rapid-fire texts if she doesnt pick up. Thats their temperament, how theyre wired. 1. Having become good friends with people who think differently and come from a variety of religious backgrounds, Ive come to appreciate that I wont always agree with someone. It wasnt until I got better at letting things go and valuing myself that I realized that 9 times out of 10 being offended really just isnt worth it for your own well-being. Did you mis-read the situation or misunderstand what was said? We are sorry that this post was not useful for you! 3) You can email me and will get back to you with answers if they are only a line or two, if not I will get back to you about it the next time we talk.. Here's our article on how to do so. Guide To Helping People Who Get Offended Easily (Even If It's You) Fear of rejection: If someone fears being rejected or not being accepted, they may become defensive and easily offended in an effort to protect themselves. This will help you respond in a way that is empathetic and respectful. Whether we realize it or not, we all have a choice about how we respond. No one is going to argue that it was hard work and respect that he is debt free because of that. When someone says they're offended by something, they are met with a mixed amount of . It must be hard wanting to around with friends but at the same time feeling offended. People then jump on that bandwagon and it gives the person even more attention and praise, which in turn makes them feel good. These predominately innocent offenders tend either to be insensitive, in that they don't consider their interactional behavior in terms of its psychological effectsthat is, as regards its likely impact on another's thoughts and feelings. If the comment was meant to be offensive that says more about the person who said it rather than the receiver of the comment. Why do Americans get offended so easily? - Quora Artists Manager (Composers), Polyphony Arts. And thats the problem. Some people however, engage in them more often than not which greatly contributes to feeling offended. All this ever did was leave me feeling a lack of self-worth or engaging in negative emotions that drained my energy. People are not only their behaviour, so consider what else is presented to you to understand the context and language of others. You're no doubt familiar with the old saying about sticks and stones breaking your bones but names being unable to hurt you. If we can only learn to notice and let go, rather than hear and hold on to, perhaps we can not be offended as often and instead learn and lean into what someone is really trying to say. My personal favorite tip for not being so easily offended is to be willing to listen to the person who has offended you. I get offended easily. How do I overcome this problem? - Quora Is your impression correct? But the reality of human nature is that we dont like it when our ego is threatened or when someone goes against our personal values. When you know that you are going to bring up a difficult subject or respond in a way that the listener has a history of over-responding, think about asking permission to bring up the subject this is an old-school therapy trick. Do you find yourself feeling offended every day by something someone said or did? These books provide validation, vital information, interventions, and hope. When you see someone overreacting to a harmless personal joke or leaving abruptly because of a slightly uncomfortable interaction, consider that it may be a mental health disordernot a personality traitthat is driving their reaction. They overreact and get offended by people for not getting what they actually want. 1). After a few minutes, I came to realize that he worked 3 jobs to support his family while going to school full-time to get his bachelors degree. Obsessed with my dog and depending on the day my husband, too. Feeling Offended and Disrespected - Psych Central Can't properly answer it and have apparently no one to talk about it. So given a situation today that internally feels analogous to the traumatizing one, you can't help but be more offended. Why do I feel offended so easily? Humans love drama and thrive on it. This is not to say that there are not times in life when someone isnt just plain rude. Given the multitude of insecurities we're subject to in growing up, there exist within us parts thatmore than we'd like to admitremain particularly sensitive to (largely presumed) criticism, abuse, or neglect. As a coach, I often hear people say that another person made them feel a certain way, perhaps a work colleague or partner made them feel angry or offended because of their actions or something they said. And White adults (47%) are less likely than Black (69%), Hispanic (62%) and Asian adults (57%) to express the view that it is a very big problem . Integrative Naturopathic Doctor, Amour De Soi Wellness | Virtual Stress Doc. So you are not alone if you feel frustrated when people told you to just be happy. Why Do I Unintentionally Offend People? - On Secret Hunt ADHD Adults Get Easily Frustrated and Angry. Before you go: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I've condensed the information of 100's of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here. How has taking offense easily shaped you? What could help is if Mary describes the dynamic with mom, Hey mom you know that thing we do where you call me, I dont pick up, you keep trying to text me, I still dont pick up and then we both blow up at each other when we talk. An example of a scenario where a person could be easily offended by minor events is if they are not the first person informed of a change of plans or if they receive a compliment that doesnt necessarily sit well with them. Facebook image: Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock. Decide right now that you are awesome and happy with yourself, and that you will not give anyone the opportunity to replace your happiness with offense. Understanding this and building your awareness of the fact that your brain references its old maps or patterns to determine how to respond in a new situation gives us flexibility to really look beyond what is said or how someone behaves. Discover Quizzes Resources Feeling Offended and Disrespected As adults, many people persist in taking others behavior personally with the assumption that everything is about me. Do not try to argue them out of their point or see things your way that is a ticket to hell every time. Understand your feelings What causes you to be offended by insults? Your responsibility is how you behave with integrity not how another responds. In other words, consider the source in this situation. Which would be fine EXCEPT HE WASN'T FUCKING FUNNY. Difficulty in receiving constructive feedback: If someone is easily offended, they may struggle to receive feedback, even when it is well-intentioned and meant to help them grow or improve. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative beliefs or emotions telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only make us feel bad. That is when getting curious really serves you. 1. Now, if our feelings are affected by our thoughts as our exercise just demonstrated, we do have control over our thoughts, and we can influence our feelings by learning to slowly retrain how we think. For these reasons, it is important to have a willingness to hear the other perspective first before choosing to dismiss them because they happen to see the world differently. Self-hatred is an understandable reaction to adverse experiences. When we process information tied to our emotions we tend to take a personal hit because we view the information as being an attack on us. This has been my experience on a number of different occasions. By practicing empathy, you may find that you arent so offended by those who are easily offended! People are also more sensitive, feeling the post is speaking directly to them or their group. As challenging as it can be, it is important to try to consider life from another persons shoes. On a societal level. 1 Consider your role as the offense taker. You just have to look internally for the core source of the offense. To the degree you still experience intense emotions, sensations, or worrisome thoughts about what occurred back then, it's clear you've never been able to fully resolve it. The more easily offended a person is the deeper their emotional pain probably is.